This is a very interesting thread. It was only until I told my ex I did not want him in my life anymore and I wished him luck with OW, that he became nice and cordial. Jed Diamond in his book on the Irritable Male stated that the best way to handle these guys is not to provide any resistence. They absolutely don't want to give you what you want. I find this strategy quite effective with my ex.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11