Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

I feel like what I have going on is that she is willing to wait and see about our relationship as long as I give her space, but she is not able to acknowledge this attitude to me, or possibly even to herself.

I have to read into the things she *doesn't* do in order to get this picture. Not the things she says.

And it seems like she might be receptive to my efforts at times, but she can't let me know about it. She has to be a mystery, and if I happen to get something right, it's a secret.

I'm so tired of this awful communication.


Yesterday, D15 who struggles with depression and anxiety, was pretty much having a breakdown. She sat down with W and I and cried about a lot of things, but one thing she kept coming back to is "what is the point" of even getting up in the morning if things can't work out between people. She saw other marriages failing, but she thought W and I would be together forever because we loved each other so much, despite our flaws. We were committed.

At one point, D15 is desperately fishing for W to say that she will try to save the marriage. I'm struggling to give D15 the picture that W is not reachable right now, and she isn't capable of saying anything positive right now, but she isn't running away either, and we have some time to work this out. But you can't really say that in front of the WAS, so the conversation is tortured.

W comes out and says, "You're right. There may be no point to marriage. I know people stay together in other cultures and at other times. People can't make that promise to each other." She keeps on going like that, and I'm going nuts inside.

My D15 is hurting so bad and W is so damaged by this process that she can't say anything that is not hurtful. I can see the look on her face. W can't look at anyone in the eyes. She looks like a trapped animal.

I can see the pressure on her, and I wish D15 would take it off because, as much as it makes sense that my wife might react compassionately to seeing someone she loves in pain, she just can't. I wanted to ask her to leave. Then D15's biological mom got there and the situation was diffused.

After D15 left with her mom, W ran out of the house after 11:00 PM for a burger from Wendy's. Stress eating.

I'm going to try extra hard to keep distance from W for the next two weeks. On 2/14 I have a session with a therapist that I hope she'll come to if I keep pressure off in between.

I have to find some new 180s and get on them and make sure I'm keeping up the ones I have already started.