Originally Posted By: Mach1 said something interesting
- "LRT, going dark, sticking your head in a bucket....whatever you wanna call it. Is for you to protect yourself...NOT to induce a reaction from your spouse."
While it's UNDOUBTEDLY helped me to keep my sanity, I DO seem to remember reading (and I may be mistaken - if so I hope to be corrected) that in so doing we're also giving the walk-away spouse the emotional space to consider something OTHER than JUST getting away. I seem to remember reading that when one spouse is really into trying to proactively work on and save the marriage, all the reluctant spouse can focus on is how much they want to get away.
I'll agree with that.
The problem is, that while the wounds are still raw from having their chest ripped open.....the LBS usually reacts from an emotional place instead of a rational place.
The space and time allow the LBS to heal and learn how to react without the emotion overtaking them.
IF...
The by product of that is the WAS taking a look back at them, then that is clearly a bonus.
Doing it with expectation of that happening, would mean that the LBS really hasn't changed at all.
