Today I've been really struggling I've been so down, I'm fed up of life (not going to do anything stupid). I've been reading through Crimsons thread today and the similarities of what he's been going through are amazing. I too loved my wife and kids the best way I could, I thought I was doing everything right, I provided security, a roof over their head, food on the table and prided myself on being reliable and dependable. Don't get me wrong I've made many mistakes too but looking back I thought as long as the basics were covered we'd be alright. I worked myself to the bone and even though I thought the M wasn't the best I thought once the kids got a little older things would get better. We would have more time on our own, I'd relax more and wouldn't get so stressed at the kids.
Many years ago when my wife went through her deep depression I also had those ILYBINILWY feelings but I hung in there for our marriage and our R and S.
I feel so betrayed, trust has been broken, being taken for a mug that I was just working my a$$ off for nothing and used. I feel like literally I've been tortured and my heart well and truly broken with a great big industrial jackhammer.
For many years my W was dependent on me and was totally happy but since she went back to work shes become more and more distant and independent. Trouble is I haven't recognised that and been able to let her go and realise that she has changed a lot, I'm so used to her depending on me and truth be told I really really liked that as it made me feel wanted which with my FOO issues is really important.
I truly love her and my kids with all my heart and soul and it feels so unfair, the situation I'm in and the injustice of it all. When I married, I married for life, till death do us part I guess thats why we didn't marry till 4 years ago until I was absolutely certain this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I just never ever ever dreamed she would break our marriage vows and I truly believed I was lucky we were together and that my lonely childhood was to pay for my amazing W.
I've tried to reach out to her many times, to hold her hand, to cuddle her, to kiss her over the last couple of years ( not the last 3 months) and have just been pushed away all the rubbish shes been saying I haven't been doing.
I'm just so ******* fed up of the whole situation.
