purg.. do you think they should also have a game where you could line up all the WAS.. you pay a set amount of money for balls that you can huck at them.. and if you manage to knock some sense into one.. you win a prize??? hmmmmm.. on second thought.. could get expensive.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I. LOVE all the games we are planning for the newest amusement park: "MLC: The scariest Place in Earth!"
I love being able to p!ss off H before 8 in the morning...
So, he barely spoke to me yesterday, he was already asleep when I got home last night and he left before I woke up today- not too many chances to talk about something, right? Well, I text him to mention a bill that needed to be paid today (and there's complications because of our separate accounts), I offered a solution to solve this problem. H responded defensively, referencing my upcoming trip and how I'm expecting him to give me more $$ and I won't have my responsibilities for the next 2 weeks. He added a few other things that make it seem like he feels I'm trying to just screw him out of more $$. [im starting to see that he has a BIG issue with me leaving- and he's choosing to get angry with me instead of talking about it] I decided to call him, instead of sending thousands of texts to resolve this:
M: I can see that you are really defensive an angry, let me see if I can explain again so that you don't have to get angry. H: (he's whisper yelling)you know I can't talk abou this sh!t at work! M: I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to screw you over with the money stuff, I only bring it up now because the bill is due so we need to find a solution. H: why do you wait until I'm at work to talk abou this cr@p?! I'm not doing this right now.
He hung up. I sent a text: "I realize that work is not the best time to discuss this- I don't see you any other time of day to talk about this. The bill is due today. I didn't realize that this would become a tough discussion. If I had known that, I would have chosen my timing better- I hope I haven't ruined the beginnings of your day, I'm sorry."
It was probably more apologetic than I need to be (but that's part of my 180s- to acknowledge that what I did (whether it was right or wrong) upset him. Normally I would have yelled, gotten defensive and forced him to continue te conversation. Me backing down, and waiting for him to calm down and reapproach the topic- is TOTALLY out of character for me.
He still hasn't called or text.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
H still hasn't addressed the $$ issue from this morning... I'm being patient, well, trying to be.
S6 got off the bus and started telling me a story about what he did last night...at OW's house. UGH!!! I knew that was most likely what they did last night, I just don't like the confirmation. Not sure why he told me after school instead of at breakfast, oh-well.
Here's the part that makes me want to scream/cry.... S said that he got a scratch from a toy, and COULDN'T FIND dad or ow. I asked where they were and he said he didn't know, but "they were talking somewhere." He said that they showed up after he whine for a little bit.
So, what I've gathered is this: 1. They weren't anywhere in sight- probably in a bedroom somewhere. 2. They weren't actively watching/involved with the kids.
I'm having a really hard time not asking questions to H about the nature of their R now... But then again, I don't really want to know cause it will hurt too much. Without asking, I'm fairly sure that H will use OW to help with the kids while I'm gone. Do I have a right to ask what his plans are for the kids?? Or does this fall into the idea of letting go of control of what H does?
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
On one hand you have a right to know how your kids are being taken care of. However, it is your choice to go (and you shouldn't feel guilty about it) so if you ask too much your H can, and most likely will, throw this back at you for putting the need upon him. IMO, may be best to not ask unless you are specifically concerned about the welfare of your kids. If you are, then should you go?
As far as where they were when it happened, you honestly don't know. Try not to let your imagination run wild. Easier said than done for certain but try for your own sake.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
H still hasn't addressed the $$ issue from this morning... I'm being patient, well, trying to be.
Grrrr
I'm having a really hard time not asking questions to H about the nature of their R now... But then again, I don't really want to know cause it will hurt too much. Without asking, I'm fairly sure that H will use OW to help with the kids while I'm gone. Do I have a right to ask what his plans are for the kids?? Or does this fall into the idea of letting go of control of what H does?
I think you trust that your children wouldn't ever be in danger with him, so I would NOT say a word. Not for fear of upsetting him, I just think no matter what the answer, it won't change the outcome EXCEPT to (possibly) upset you further.
I know SO much about the 'wheels churning' making up scenarios and such. It's friggen awful! Try and stop those thoughts. So easier said that done, yes, but try. I remember a post I had written a while back that when my imagination starts going, I change my scenery. IE: if at work, I'll go to the caf and grab a coffee. It usually will give the brain some new stimuli to play with
I agree with oneeleven about trusting that your kids will be fine!
As far as asking where H and OW were, in my sitch I think about it this way, if I want to try and save this M, knowing the dirty details of the things I already suspect is not gonna change my feelings about saving my marriage, it will only upset me more, and as we know when we are DBing we cannot change or stop what the WAS is doing anyway (no matter how much we want to scream and yell at them and tell them how much they are hurting us)!
Hang in there!
Me31 H33 M11 T15 S10, D4 H deploys 01/11 H R&R two weeks 10/11 ILYBNILWY/sep 12/11 homecoming 1/12 pos D 1/13
Grrrr