My Sitch/any better ideas than going dark?

[Broken74]

ARRRRGH... Major LRT relapse... Had a lengthy conversation with W yesterday (she called) that went down a path it shouldn't have. The "positive" of the communciation that I took is that she would not say that she is dead set on filing the D in September. And in my ignorance I take this as a positive enounter, and violate practically all of the 37 rules of LRT engagement by sending the email below...
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It is important for you to know that I take ownership of my actions and inappropriate behaviors and have atoned for them as best I can. The way I handled myself at times was certainly inappropriate (reason being that the most important thing in the world to me, you, was at risk), and if I could go back and change the way I handled those things I certainly would but I can't.

I am at the end of rope in trying to figure out ways to show/prove to you the things that I have learned and changed in the last 6 months. Most important for you know is that all of my efforts since our breakdown are geared toward 1) making me a better man, then 2) In support of proving 1 to you to show if given a fresh start with you that I would be the man of your dreams and a role model that the kids can look up to. I am certainly not perfect and my attempts to make you jealous by mentioning other women are childish and immature. I have simply been trying everything I know to get "something" about this situation to change, but trying to make you jealous is stupid and counterproductive.

If you would take the time to compare our situation to others you will see that it is really not unique. Many couples have been through much worse and came out better on the other side of and had lifelong happiness and marriages. I am not a quitter and I know that you aren't either, I know how you feel about me right now but you need to realize that this type of life shaking situation has a profound effect on people, and it certainly has for me.

**excerpt from one of Michelle's articles**
"It is said that people don’t change until they hit rock bottom and I can tell you first hand that the bottom doesn’t get any lower than the earth beneath these men’s feet. The threat of divorce generates true soul-searching. These are the men who readily schedule appointments for therapy, sign up for marriage seminars, read every self-help book they can get their hands on, seek spiritual connection and even risk vulnerability by discussing the f-word (feelings) with friends and family. Gradually, they become the husbands these women have been wanting.

But for so many women it’s “too little, too late,” or “I know this is not going to last. If I stay in this marriage, you will go back to your old shenanigans,” which, though completely understandable, is nonetheless, tragic. That’s because, rather than feign “appropriate husband behavior,” most of these men sincerely undergo a personal transformation that shifts their priorities forever. They typically make great second husbands. Every time a near-walkaway wife or her husband enters my office, I’m determined to do what I can to open her heart and mind to see the profound changes in her man. I’m often successful, but I must admit, this is one of the trickiest clinical knots to untie. I’d much prefer that couples really grasped the concept that time together is of utmost importance and that nagging, though well-intended, almost always backfires. That’s why I’m a huge proponent of marriage education. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. People need information and skills to stay in love. If I had my way, I’d teach myself out of a job."

You are a beautiful, driven, intelligent woman, but you don't know everything... I pray that at some point that you will go to counseling to discuss what has went on in your life and with us. If you choose to continue down the road of ending our marriage I will be forced to respect your decision because that is your choice. I actually meant the vows that I took on 5/21/10 with the intention of spending the rest of my life with you, for better or worse, in good times AND IN BAD. You know what type of man I am at my core, if you didn't you would not have married me. I did not "change" during the course of our marriage, I fell back into bad habits and chose to deal with my stresses and problems in inappropriate ways instead of seeking support and working them out with my wife. Although I will have to respect your decision, I will never back down from the position that if you do choose to end our marriage you will be making a tremendous mistake.

I continue to pray for you, me, the kids, and us daily, and pray that your heart will open to eventually see that contrary to the negative that you have concentrated on for the last 6 months, that our relationship has had many more ups than it had downs. I am asking you to please think about these things when you think about and plan where you and the kids lives are heading. We made a great team until the train ran off the tracks, that was largely my fault and now I know why that happened and have the skills to avoid it from ever happening again. It appears that with each passing day that you are going to choose to never see that... I hope that changes sometime in the future.

I am not asking for us to get back together, I am not asking you on a date, I am simply asking you to really think about where you are, what you are doing, and where you are heading. I hope I can be a friend that you can lean on when you think about these things. In the meantime I hope that you find happiness in whatever it is that you choose to do.
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AAARGH I'M SUCH AN IDIOT THAT'S WHY I AM IN THIS POSITION IN THE FIRST PLACE....

I certainly don't expect a response from this note and am tyring to think of the best recovery plan. The only think I can think of is to "restart" my LRT and actually STICK TO IT this time. Dang this is going to get so much harder before it gets easier...

Does anybody have any better suggestions? Good luck and god bless to all of you!