First, the past couple of mornings, H and I have been intimate. Since moving back to the bed, H has literally been my 2nd skin at night. We’re not all the way to ML yet, but man, so not the dry desert either. Kinda crazy! Normally, I would not have gone through with this, but I thought, WTH, he’s MY H! Not sure if this was a good decision or not, but gotta say I wasn’t as wound up as I normally am. LOL Anyway, today, I passed up on my “good morning”. My H was a little bewildered, understandably. I’m the one who has been so upset about us not ML or anything close to it. But I just rolled over and went back to sleep.
Just to be clear, yes, I have thought about him having his cake and eating it too. And normally, I would be raging and all that about the OW. But you know what? I could care less. If I want to sleep with my H then, *insert appropriate curse word here* I will. I honestly have not let myself even begin to get attached with all of this intimacy. (A serious 180 for me…guess I’m guarding my heart just in case) And maybe this isn’t DB, but I’ve spent a lifetime not doing stuff because I was afraid of what people might think or say. I want to live for ME now! I’m the W, not the OW. Can you tell I feel really strongly about this? LOL
So, he comes in this morning to say goodbye and kisses me. I don’t say anything but that his new shirt looks nice. He stands there like he’s waiting on something. Then he realizes I will NOT be saying I love you and leaves. I get dressed and go to get in my car. As I’m waiting on my car to heat up, I get a “Have the best day ever! Love you” text message from him. Normally, I’m the one sending the text messages! I was wavering on whether I would today or not (I know, I know – it’s pursuing). But I didn’t have to. (See oys2 & nh, I do listen occasionally!) I responded “Thanks. Have a great day as well. Love you too.” Now if I can just make it through the day without emailing or calling him, I’ll be good to go.
On another interesting note – my church is having a couple’s breakfast this Saturday. I forwarded my H the notice on Monday, and said I would send a response back. He didn’t say anything. So, last night one of my friends (W of a couple we hang out with occasionally) sent me a text about getting together on the 11th for a Valentine’s Day dinner. I mentioned it to him because the H had already left him a message about getting together on FB. I told him I would tell them we couldn’t go. He says, “We can go.” I stop what I’m doing, turn around and say, “Are you sure?” He says, “Yes we can go.” I just said okay, and left it at that. What is happening HERE?
Had a rough morning with some sadness creeping in, but I managed to pull myself together. Sometimes I feel like my brain is shutting down. I get so tired and sleepy if I think about my situation too long. Is this normal?
