How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[hope2011]

Been a busy week with work, haven't had much time to log in here.

Half the week was fine, now, not so much. H started getting cranky on Monday, just snappy and a bit rude. I asked him 3 times what was wrong, he responded "nothing". I HATE that he thinks it's ok to be rude or snappy at me for any reason. If I did that to him, he'd tell me off. But I just ignore it to avoid an argument. Probably work related stuff anyway so there's nothing I can do about that.

Monday and Tuesday, he's in a better mood but I can tell he's getting into the "I'm trying hard here but what am I getting in return" mood... meaning if I'm not bending over backwards for him then why should he even be normal for me? Example - he works from home, maybe 5 hours a day. He naps, plays golf, goes to lunch whenever he wants. He spends a good part of his day surfing the internet. Then complains about his job and not making enough money. I don't dare say "well maybe if you worked harder!". In his defense, he does have hard working energy spurts once a week or so. I work outside the house, 8 to 10 hours a day at a very, very emotionally draining job (dealing with families of sick and dying babies) with a massive amount of responsibility. I come home exhausted. But I make less money so in his mind, I should be the one to do most of the cooking and cleaning. Nevermind by the time I get home he's been laying on the sofa at least 2 hours watching TV and playing on his iphone. Because if he puts a roof over my head and buys food (I do contribute to the bills!!!!) then I "owe" him and I need to make it more "equal" by being more domestic. Which means cooking and cleaning his way, in his house, with very little say so on anything. I do try to do more around the house but I greatly resent all his relaxation time and how little I am valued. Not doing a great job DB'ing here at all.

I did fairly ok brushing off his mood but then yesterday he decided that he as to go visit employees 2 states away. He'd talked about this last week but made his mind up just yesterday and tried to throw together appointments with them. Staying at his parents house there so at least I know where he is at night but really why so last minute? Of course he conveniently forgets our MC appointment that's tomorrow and schedules an appt there 4 hours from home. But if I complain or am disappointed then he's defensive about his job and work, etc. He can be completely slack about work EXCEPT when it's a convenient excuse to get out of something he doesn't want to do. This is only our 2nd joint session and he's ditching it. He could have made appts last week, scheduled around it like a responsible adult but no, this marriage isn't a priority. Again.

To make matters worse, yesterday his XW e-mailed that the boys want to live with her permanently, don't want to come back to our house (the house with rules and discipline) and she wants to go to family counseling with the 4 of them to discuss their "emotional turmoil" at having been punished for behaving horribly (they should've been sent to military school for the stuff they've pulled lately!!!!).

I will bet my life H won't miss one single therapy session with them and will schedule his life around those appointments. Because they matter to him. I don't.