I'm still stuck

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Margali,

onyourside2 posted some good questions that would help. What does H say about all this?

I've been reading about this a ton and here's what I've come up with:

H can't make himself *want* to have sex with you.

He can make himself actually do it, but would that be ok? i.e. would the act without the underlying desire be ok with you? The reason I ask is that your way forward is probably different depending upon your answer.

If you want the sex and the desire (which I do in my sitch), then the only thing I've found that you can do is endeavor to be as attractive as possible. This primarily means getting in great shape, dressing as well as you can, etc.

For me, I have a demanding full-time office job and 3 kids, so my time is fairly precious. I can put off and rationalize why I don't/can't focus on diet and exercise a thousand ways.

What I've decided is that if I want to give my sex life the best shot possible, I better make "being attractive" my top priority right now. If that doesn't work, I'll feel better about myself and be attractive to "someone" anyway, so it certainly seems worth doing.

I'm just starting a concerted effort so I'm not saying this from the perspective of someone who's done it and had it work, but I can tell you that it gives me some degree of feeling in control of the situation for now, and that feels good.

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