I must admit, I had to laugh when I read your first paragraph:
Quote: Things are going well, but i often strugle with the question of whether i want this marriage or not.
Who ever it was that directed you to my thread sure knows me pretty well cause those were my famous last words the first few months that my H was home.
I kept thinking..okay, I won, he's here...now what the hell do I do with him?
Your entire post could have been (and was, almost word for word) by me. I think our continued detachment is simply a 'self defense' mechanism...fear of the reconciliation failing, fear of them disappointing us again, fear of 'trusting' them again.
Fear is our greatest enemy during reconciliation. You have to give yourself permission to NOT be afraid. You have to give yourself permission to 'trust' that both of you are "in it to win it." (sorry for the worn out biz cliche).
I too had 'dealbreakers' and 'dead lines'...those were my walls of defense...but as the weeks past and I SAW that all his actions were matching all of his words...those mandates became less important (although they have been met)and slowly we relaxed around each other.
It took time, it took courage on both my H's and my part to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to each other again and I can tell you from my personal perspective, it's proving to have been worth the risk.
T2
