Macroeconomics...try Organizational Psychology and see if THAT doesn't make you want to run off the college's campus, cause if it doesn't, I don't know what will. LOL
I think I'd rather be taking another Statistical Analysis course UGHHHHHHHHHH T2
I must admit, I had to laugh when I read your first paragraph:
Quote: Things are going well, but i often strugle with the question of whether i want this marriage or not.
Who ever it was that directed you to my thread sure knows me pretty well cause those were my famous last words the first few months that my H was home.
I kept thinking..okay, I won, he's here...now what the hell do I do with him?
Your entire post could have been (and was, almost word for word) by me. I think our continued detachment is simply a 'self defense' mechanism...fear of the reconciliation failing, fear of them disappointing us again, fear of 'trusting' them again.
Fear is our greatest enemy during reconciliation. You have to give yourself permission to NOT be afraid. You have to give yourself permission to 'trust' that both of you are "in it to win it." (sorry for the worn out biz cliche).
I too had 'dealbreakers' and 'dead lines'...those were my walls of defense...but as the weeks past and I SAW that all his actions were matching all of his words...those mandates became less important (although they have been met)and slowly we relaxed around each other.
It took time, it took courage on both my H's and my part to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to each other again and I can tell you from my personal perspective, it's proving to have been worth the risk.
T2
Your words are encouraging, thank you. Because right now, I confess I see little hope. W moved out Mar 1 and said she has no interest in working on the M. And she said she is not coming back. She also told her Mom this week, she is happy, because she does not dread coming home anymore.
We talk or see each other frequently because of the three children and I try to be upbeat and positive when I see her. But as I told Karen the other day, when I look in her eyes, I see nothing, no spark, no light, no love for me.
I know this is early and the pain is still fresh and raw and I know I'm supposed to working on me, but I confess I do not like being in this limbo stage. She has not mentioned D lately, but she told her Mom she had a couple of things to do, her Mom did not ask what, but she thinks they have to do with D.
Sorry, to steal your thread. Thought you might have some insight.
Hope you and H are well. You are an amazing and patient person; I hope he realizes this. I really want to revive my M.
I wondered if you'd have time to stop by my thread again with some of your thoughts on my latest plans. Having been through this yourself I thought you might have some good advice.
My upcoming week is going to be a very hard one and I wanted all the armour I could get before heading into it.
I'm glad you are doing so well. You are such an inspiration!
(I'd post the link to my thread here but I don't know how to do it - I'm still pretty close to the top in Newcomers though - still feeling a lot of pain and need daily support.)
Your totally right. It is fear that holds me back. I tell my self not to be afraid as i trust myself to be able to cope, no matter what happens! But yet, there seems like there is nothing i can do about it, other than recongnise it for what it is.
I think that over time I will feel more comfortable and trusting with my H, somedays it is just hard to see it. My H has difficulty with the changes i have made for myself. Since we only saw each other once while sep (and that was for a family funeral) he didn't see me grow into these changes. I'm alot more relaxed about certain things than i used to be, more compassionate to others and i tend to let things slide, that i would have jumped all over before. I was pretty uptight about certain things, and now, these things just aren't as important! He makes ASSumptions, but i just don't sweat the small stuff.
I find it amusing that i can still surprise him, cause this way of living is now second nature to me, so i think nothing of it.
Hopefully he will be able to grow as i have, i just wish he'd hurry and catch me up!
I'm glad that someone who has been in my position has come out the other end!
You told me a few months ago, get used to the sleepless nights..well I thought you'd be wrong..you weren't. Three months that he's been back and he's still involved with the OW.
Must be nice to think the world revolves around your needs and wants and to he## with everybody else...pathetic, desperation!!
I can't figure out a way to find your original sitch. I just love coming to Piecing! It's like reading success stories but actually getting some background and real insight.
Was your H in MLC and was there an OW? Can you tell me where to find your story from the beginning? (I'm looking for MLC/OW success stories - looking for hope.)
