So what's the problem then? You still have your wife living with you do you not, and given you situation you're doing better than you think. Let me prove that to you....
Your wife could have moved out long before now but she didn't. She could have filed a restraining order based on false accusations but she didn't. She could have cleaned out your house, sold her rings, screwed every guy you hate, and taken every cent out of your account leaving you to never see her again...but she didn't. In fact I'm betting your wife still does small things for you that go unnoticed that she doesn't have to. Things like making eye contact and cleaning up after her self when she doesn't have to.
So what's the problem if wife is keeping you at arms length and tossing you crumbs once in a while. You're still getting a taste of her but you want more. But you're never going to get it if you can't delay your gratification and "act as if" it's no big deal she won't tell you how she feels or open up and tell you she is wrong and how much she really loves you. And if you try to get her to give you anything more before she is ready you're only going to be seen as chasing her and breed contempt for yourself.
However, if you make the small sacrifices to treat her as a friend no matter how badly she treats you even if she doesn't deserve and give her a card for her birthday or clean her dishes without and need for a reward in return, you'll get more in return.
But first you need to let her know you accept that you are no longer a couple and agree with her feelings, then accept the place your in yourself. You're never going to get anywhere with her if you can't get rid of your need to get anywhere with her. If she talks to you, that's great. If she wants to storm around the house and criticize you for things, then let her because you know she's not being her self and just letting off steam.
The reason this works is because it's unnatural to not defend your feelings and be so confident and unaffected by her. It would feel really good to be "right" and agree with your emotions when your hurting right after she says or does something to upset you. You'll want to storm around and raise your voice to curse her out, but if you can seperate your emotions from your thoughts and think to yourself "how would acting like this make me look to her" then you can 180 and rise above it all to break even the strongest expectation she has of you.
Right now that expectation is that you're still needy and only doing this to win her back. If you find that sense of confidence you lost and let go of your addiction of expecting more commitment from her and just accept her as non needy friend you can beat this. You know that this neediness is getting you nowhere and you're going to have to give her the distance she needs now or be ordered by a judge to give it to her later so why not start now.
Last thing I can say and it's not going to be easy,is that there was something about you that your wife didn't like and she couldn't take this anymore so she emotionally checked out, but you already knew this. The hardest thing I ever had to do was accept this part and know, not think, that I was a s****y husband, but like you there is something in me that keeps her wanting to talk to me and come around. Just like you I couldn't take this at first and wanted to place the blame on her but the sooner I realized my own faults and accepted them I found I made the best progress with my DR/DB efforts. Now I work a little each day on improving my own faults and turning myself into someone I can look up to. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but the most rewarding to know she is second guessing her decision to leave me and still cares.
You can beat your divorce and get her back if you are willing to keep working on it and keep hope alive.
