Here's what I'm asking from the forum: W told me you have changed but so have I, I don't know the new you. My response: why don't we take some time to get to know each other. That inevitably leads to her saying that she doesn't trust me and doesn't trust that I won't return to my old ways and that she is very angry that it took her filing for D/so long to make changes. IMO, then why doesn't she just tell me that there is no chance for us? (B/c she is still wrestling with it?) Does anyone have any suggestion of what I should be/should not be saying to my W? Thanks. I feel like I'm in limbo.
Hey James...
I'm not so sure that you should be saying much at all.
The reason that I say that, is that there have been quite a few talks about this already, and you keep getting the same answers to the same questions.
Insanity has been defined as doing the same things over and over, expecting different results.
I think that now would be a good time to just listen and validate her concerns. And you should be doing that with open ears, while sipping on a nice , big , cool glass of STFU......
If she isn't sure, that is a good thing. Yet every time you have this conversation, you are actually driving HER points home even harder than they were before.
You are still offering YOUR solutions, to HER problems.
What she sees, is that you are still trying to get your way, instead of loving her enough to let her be herself.
You only stay in limbo as long as you allow yourself to stay there.
Focusing on what she is doing or not doing is what is keeping you stuck in the quicksand.
So let me ask you something to keep your brain engaged in something other than her....
What are YOUR goals, for you, not the relationship.....YOU ???
What do you envision your life looking like in the future ?
