I actually laughed.... then cried a little. Glad to know my H is going "by the book" through a MLC!!
nhmom- You handled yourself very well considering the massive amount of confusion you probably experienced with H. I HATE it when they act like everything is 'normal' and expect you to follow along and even try to make you feel good.... inevitably they will remind you that nothing has changed and you will go back to feeling like cr@p.
I think Six Flags should create a MLC roller coaster- The highest drops and scariest loops and u-turns known to man!!
Purg - funny, I just read you roller coaster comment after I had made a very similar one to NH a moment ago. That ride would without a doubt be the shittttiest ride ever. And the cost to get on would probably be at the rates lawyer's charge. And the ride would last just beyond whatever amount of time you think you can ride it.
You are so horribly right about how our S's seem to be able to drop back into the M and try it on for size whenever they want (we're keeping the road home open) and then they do seem to change on a dime and treat us with the warmth of a Nazi surgeon.
NHMom - I guess maybe a few moments of hopefullness may make it easier each time for your H to reconcile (hopefully).
Confusing indeed! But as I said before, I'm just shrugging this off. I do strongly believe that H is going through a MLC, and I believe one of the things I've read said that the H (or W) will do an occasional "temp check", to make sure that they still have you to fall back on, especially since they're going through so much confusion.
If you haven't read the "Midlife Crisis for Dummies" in MLC section already, you may find it "funny", in a sad kind of way...I enjoyed it and could see H in all of that.
OMG....that link is "insane"! It's so deadly accurate. I laughed and near puked reading it.
I have got to give this some thought. I literally thought I had gone insane and reading this....to see how common it all is, is strangley liberating.
I thought my W was smarter than this, but she must have downloaded this same script from the MLC/WAW Wannabee website.
I don't know if it makes me understand that my W is going through what many humans go through, that I should understand and it should give me more patience, or should I stop letting this game go on and stop the madness?
After reading this something recent flashed in my mind. We were watching the movie 50/50. The girlfriend of the young guy who has cancer gets bagged cheating. The girl is desperately trying to explain it in a way that makes her look like the "victim". She says "its not like we weren't having problems already". My W has said the exact same thing to me before. When she heard that line she flushed bright red and pulled her Belichek hoodie over her head. I thought....yeah baby....that was you.
I know my W is legititmitely going through a very severe crisis/breakdown and road back which I really didnlt see in terms of a MLC. But upon reading this...and its deadly accuracy...I guess she's going through it all at once.
Isn't it scary how similar the patterns of our WAS/WAW's are? You think that everyone is "unique", but in the end we're all "the same" in one way or another.
I first the "Midlife for Dummies" a few days ago and I am still reading it over and over. Maybe seeing all of this and how "normal" the behavior is is the reason for my inclination to shrug the little positive signs of H (Don't get me wrong, I do recognize the little things, but I know not to get my hopes up). I'm actually surprised that I've been feeling this way for the third straight day!!! Usually my emotions go through shorter up's and down's. So I guess maybe I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, for H to go back to his MLC self.
Rick, you certainly make a good point about not listening to the good or bad. We shouldn't completely ignore the positives, and we need them to give us hope to keep going. Your wife's reaction in the movie is interesting. She seems to be able to relate to that sentence...something that most MLC's who are in the midst of it would never be able to agree on. Of course, I'm not expert on MLC or any of this really, so these are just my 2 cents. I think after all of this is set and done, I will never get on another roller coaster again!
Ok, a colleague at work was just laughing over a joke that her friend played on her. Apparently, there is this "Start Over Smart - A Modern Divorce Expo" coming up in NYC, and her friend gave her a brochure to exhibit (we're not in that kind of business, so I guess that's where the joke was). My colleague is unaware of my sitch, so I just laughed along. But how weird. I mean, it's not THAT weird. More than 1/2 of marriages end in divorce, but having a dedicated expo for that? I suppose why not make money off of people's miseries? Or wait, they teach you how to do it in a "smart" way. Oh boy.
I think Six Flags should create a MLC roller coaster- The highest drops and scariest loops and u-turns known to man!!
Purg - funny, I just read you roller coaster comment after I had made a very similar one to NH a moment ago. That ride would without a doubt be the shittttiest ride ever. And the cost to get on would probably be at the rates lawyer's charge. And the ride would last just beyond whatever amount of time you think you can ride it.
I can see the advertisement now: "$1500 and 3 years of nauseating, frustrating, maddening twists and turns that leave you begging to get off the ride... but you can't get off because you are attached by hope, kids and love... Good luck people!"
You are so horribly right about how our S's seem to be able to drop back into the M and try it on for size whenever they want (we're keeping the road home open) and then they do seem to change on a dime and treat us with the warmth of a Nazi surgeon. LOL!! 'nazi surgeon'- so true!!
Originally Posted By: rick89
I don't know if it makes me understand that my W is going through what many humans go through, that I should understand and it should give me more patience, or should I stop letting this game go on and stop the madness?
Sometimes more knowledge, doesn't make it any easier for us to make a decision. I guess this is where we DO have a little control- we can wait it out and hope for the best, or we can choose to move on.... For now, I'm hoping.
Originally Posted By: nhmom
Isn't it scary how similar the patterns of our WAS/WAW's are? You think that everyone is "unique", but in the end we're all "the same" in one way or another.
It's strangely comforting to know that all of our WAS are on the same 'path'. Maybe we should suggest they have a support group too: "The grass ISN"T greener, dummy!"
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Oh, wow. I never considered my sitch to be an mlc since we're relatively young ... I wonder of certain diseases just put people in this mode ...
I wondered this to...is it an actual disease.... some biological necessity. Maybe it's a social disease...not a sexual one...but something inevitable in our ugly society
I have been following along with the thread as I often do and feel that I must comment.
The MLC forum, is my home here. It is a place where I have laughed, cried, screamed, played, learned, and healed.
It is also, in some ways, a place that I wish I had never found.
I came to the DB site almost two years before my register date. I read in Newcomers, believing that my X was a WAH.
MLC was suggested to me by more than one person who knew me and X personally. I read MLC for Dummies. I thought "bingo" that is it. Then I read more about MLC. And I thought "crapp, I want him to just be a WAH".
Well, my x truly is a MLCer. I fought the idea for a very long time. Because MLC is NOT an easy road. There is no timeline, it isn't 3-5 or 5-7 years, one of the "experts" on MLC actually says his lasted about 20.
My X, is on about year 14 or so of his...
Are some of our S in MLC? Yes.
Is there a set age to determine if it's possible? No. I have always hated the term MLC. A life crisis is a life crisis and can happen at any time.
While a WAS and MLCer do exhibit SOME similarities, there are significant differences. One being the confusion exhibited by the MLCer. Others are covered in the MLC resources.
I want to caution you, if you are considering that your S is in MLC, don't just read MLC for Dummies and make the leap, go read some of the threads in the MLC archives from their beginnings.
Fisherman FrankD MHL Sofaraway FaithIsBelieving Spirit (had a MLC) AmyC (she had her own MLC)...I would link these, but I'm too lazy...Cadet?
Learn what MLC truly looks like from people who have lived it. Before you make any decisions about your situations based on something that sounds familiar...
If you want to know more, start a thread in MLC and ask questions. There are plenty of people there who are willing and able to answer...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
(she had her own MLC)...I would link these, but I'm too lazy...Cadet?
Here are links to all of these people, some have two many threads to link and post them all, click on their names, hit show posts and then topics and you can find everything.
I am not testing all these links so hopefully they work.
It just took me an hour to find them all.
In Spirit's thread you can find my welcome thread for MLC with all the links that I provide.
I hope this helps out someone and I can tell you to read all of Cat04 posts, she is the wisest of them all.
Thank you for your insight on MLC. I completely agree that reading one thing and seeing similarities in the WAS does not give him the "official" label of MLC. I haven't spent too much time in the MLC forum yet and see that there is a lot of reading material. I will start reading and I guess there is no hurry as this journey may take quite some time. Based on what I've read so far it SCARES me so much that my H truly could be going through a MLC. I know time is "on our side", but I don't know if I can do this for 2, 6, or 14(!!!) years. Or, the MLC may never "wake up" at all.
I truly believe that my H is going through a crisis. "Most" people would question it to be a "MLC" as he's only 33. But I do agree that there is no minimum age for someone to be in a crisis.
Cadet - Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to find and post the links!!! I really appreciate it!
