My story, need help before I mess everything up.

[Denton]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply, I'm not disagreeing with you, just trying to put across more evidence. For me something doesn't quite ring true about it being an MLC either.

Again, it is not MLC. Your W's entire life has been one trauma after another and her current state is a result of all that built up unresolved issues.

I agree with that, but why all of the sudden come out now? Not anytime say in the last 5 - 10 years.

MLC is a 'perceived' need that something was lost in life and they are trying to regain it.

My answer to that would be she all of the sudden has a NEED to start driving I have even offered to pay for driving lessons for years and bought her 2 cars to encourage her, but apparently she thinks I was always against her driving. Also when she started her new job she started going out with workfriends who are 10 - 15 years younger than her and she said that she believes I always held her back from that and in her words " I realised what I was missing out on in life and I don't want to die not having that" When I was living at home over xmas it was like living with a rebellious teenager.

"I believe there have been 2 triggers of her Father dying almost 3 years ago which she has never got over and going back to work full time 1 1/2 years ago instead of being a stay at home Mum."

No this started way before when she first moved in with you when you were kids. No child should have to go through that trauma.

Agreed completely.

"are you saying that I have to fight against her beliefs that are stronger than some other peoples and that to prove I've changed will take longer for her to truly believe?"

No. I'm saying that you have to find a way to change her beliefs. That's why validation in DBing is important. Fighting her is telling her she's wrong. Changing her is saying things like 'I see why you would think that way". Rather than battering her defenses which is just going to make her fortify them more, seek weaknesses around it.

Sorry, poor choice of words by me. I meant fight as in battle with 180s, DBing etc etc rather than argue, point out negatives, be critical etc.