Or you can be in the situation like me where I thought everything seemed okay, and he thought it sucked.
You don't know what he's thinking. You don't know what he has or hasn't told his friends (especially since he's not much for deep conversation, especially with his guy friends).
And no, we don't get do overs. Life is a hard teacher, she gives the test first and the lesson afterwards.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Ahhh...but you see Wii, that's just the thing isn't it. Life does bite...big time. There are so many things that have fallen apart and I've come to the final conclusion that it's me that is the problem. I'm the common denominator. If I put my hand on something it turns to sh!t so now I just lay low and say nothing, do nothing, hope for nothing. That cuts me off from a lot of people but I'm scared I'll do or say something to ruin their opportunities or outlook. Yes, I know I can't directly influence someone else like that, it just has happened so many times to me and those around me that it's like I'm some sort of jinx.
No, it's not a healthy outlook. I work on it, trust me.
As far as Gabe is concerned, I know he thinks differently than me. That is OBVIOUS in so many ways! I am thinking these things based on his actions lately. He has pulled away again, big time. He still acts kindly toward me, does things for me, and is generally there. There is just a distance in his mannerism that reminds me so much of before. It's the kind of emotional distance I felt from him before when he start the EA that very quickly turned into a PA. I don't have the strength to go through it again. I may not be much, but I certainly don't deserve that again.
And no, I haven't read that book. What is th point? I don't have a R let alone a M. I have a 'situation' with benefits.
It is what I have allowed to be.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Life isn't about the things that have fallen apart though. It's about the small blessings. But as long as you let your focus be on the negative, that is all you will see.
You are choosing this life for yourself. And you know that. Yet I think you don't deserve any better. Or at the very least refuse to believe you can fight for something better. And as long as you act on that belief instead of challenging it, that is all you will have.
Gabe may be pulling back. Or you may be reading too much into it. But what is important is that you not repeat the past. Don't react the way you did before, don't do the same things. Try something different!
Yes, you are D, not M. But you do have a R. What it is is vaguely defined. What it is not is a M. But you do have a R. And it's up to you to decide to do about it.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow, talk about uplifting! If those are the vibes you're giving out, I'd be distant too! Now, do you want a better 'situation' or a crappy one? Saying there's sweet piss all you can do about anything and if I do something it will just turn to sh!t is...well, b.s. It's Mish feeling sorry for herself. YOU are an amazing lady, with so much to give. You're smart, funny, compassionate, outgoing...just to name a few! It's cool to take a break, sit back and re-energize but don't say "I give up" and try to legitimize it as a logical outcome...it ain't!!!! You're too good for that. Lecture finished (Hey, you haven't been well physically for a while and that takes a lot out of your energy and outlook on life, remember that too OK. You will rise again :))
LIKE, LIKE Listen to both of the above. You can create something better and you deserve it. It won't happen though if you can't take that idea and run with it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm back to that age old question then, how do you go about getting an idea of what you want to achieve when you can't see past this week?
Crazy cycle....it's so much easier to see the positives and possibilities in someone else's life than in your own.
Of course, we all know what stops me....fear. Fear of upsetting a very delicate balance, fear of failure, fear of being alone, being afraid that I won't be able to handle everything on my own.
I look at you kat and am awed and amazed by how you handle 4 kids, a house, a career, and a social life all on your own. You completely floor me. I don't have the energy to do that! You are fantabulous!
Michelle - Your lust for life and ability to conquer any obstacle is inspiring. No one is going to get in your way or damage your will to do the very best. AWESOME!
Wii - What can I say? Your humor and warmth comes through every post and it thrills me to see you move forward in your life entirely on your own terms. Happy trails my friend!
So, until I come up with some kind of idea of what to do next, I'm shutting up. Like my mama always said, "If you don't have something nice to say, say nothing at all." I really wasn't very good at learning that lesson in my own life.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey, you say what you like. Nobody said shut up Mish! If you just want to vent and not have our feedback, that's fine....really. We care about you! Just put "journaling" and we'll all keep our suggestions to ourselves for a bit. Keep posting as long as it helps you, Mish. Ultimately, you have to live with your choices, not us...so you make the ones that work for you.
I am thinking these things based on his actions lately. He has pulled away again, big time. He still acts kindly toward me, does things for me, and is generally there. There is just a distance in his mannerism that reminds me so much of before. It's the kind of emotional distance I felt from him before when he start the EA that very quickly turned into a PA. I don't have the strength to go through it again. I may not be much, but I certainly don't deserve that again.