Thanks for pulling me out of hiding...it forces me to keep my own thread up instead of bulldozing my way through other member's threads all the time. T2
yea, cause we all need help here and you don't give us BS or sugar coated advice. you shoot straight from the hip, LMAO!
I can always count on you telling it like it is, and I'd rather hear that than what I want to hear, lol.
But if you need to leave we understand, eventually we all will. Building a R with our S's are very important. But do keep coming and lurking if you get to that point!
T2..things sound good in your house.....my h is not home yet, but we spend lots more time together..I agree with you about taking care of ME...this bb has helped me for so long to really get myself together..and I was really proceeding with life and coming to terms that it was probably going to be alone..but I was ok with it....now I have to re adjust to living and sleeping and all that stuff..with my h again!!!!But I won't complain...
I wish I had more to say but it sounds like you are in a terific mental state and really understand what it is going to take to make your M work. I especially like the way you are so candid when expressing what you want from your H as well as things that bother you. These are signs that the "eggshell" days are over. You can not have a solid relationship with anyone who requires that you constantly filter what you are going to say. I think that my W and I both walked on eggshells for the past several years rather than having honest communication. Eventually, the frustration and resentments get to be too much to deal with and someone walks.
I like all your stated goals and your approach to things. Your H sounds like he is doing all the right things as well. Granted, I am sure things are not perfect, but that is an unrealistic standard anyway. I think it comes down to realizing that as individuals, you are both different and have unique requirements. As I have read on the boards, if you respect these differences and react to them in a loving way, you in turn will recieve more of what you need in a R. It is when we try and mold another person into what we want them to be that we run into trouble. Anyway...thanks so much for your great words of wisdom about my sitch. I will visit again soon.
Things are just falling into place for my H and I. We're both through with walking on egg shells. My H is finding it much easier to express himself, especially, when he doesn't agree with something, and like me, he's learned to do it in a constructive and respectful way.
I think we've both learned that passive/aggressive behavior and resentment was a rather cowardly method we used to deal with issues we didn't have the courage to discuss like mature adults. My H is more apt to ask if I "mind that he does something" and I do the same as well.
I think we've learned to be far more respectful of each other's differences and instead of hiding them for fear of angering each other, we're now saying what we want/need, the level of 'honesty' between us has risen tremendously.
My H and I are very comfortable again. I can hardly believe how far we've come. My 'nightmare' started in June of 2002...he's been back home "for good" since late Sept./first week in Oct of 2003, but we really didn't start to get 'normal' until February...now with each passing week we are settling back in to a 'safe' and 'normal' life.
I think we've learned to really 'like' each other again. We've learned to respect each other again and to NOT take each other for granted.
Amazing at it might seem, my H's 2 As have become meaningless to me. I can honestly see them now, as the salve he used for his emotional pain. I no longer take them 'personally' (if you can understand what I mean).
I would never have believed in the summer of 2002, that my life would ever be settled again...and yet, here I am...well on my way to "normal."
I know that my H is grateful that I did not abandon him while he went through his own hell, I can see and feel that gratitude through his interaction with me if not his words.
I'd like to believe that my life would have been better had none of this ever happened to me...(us)....and yet the truth is, it wouldn't have been better because we had BOTH stopped loving each other and this HELL woke us both up to what we had destroyed by our apathy towards each other. I don't think we'll ever make the same mistakes again. T2
That is the most awesome post and I think something that could probably be said for every couple here on the bb that makes it through this hell.
I think so many people have no idea when they get married how to adjust and respect and love one another and how much work it takes, you just think we are in love, we got married and that takes care of it.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
