BL: I wanted to share this to give a little 'food for thought'.
When I first found an inappropriate, romantic-laced, message from POW to my SO, I emailed him and accused him of having an affair (right away - didn't ask, but TOLD him I knew) and I found her on FB and sent her a message as well.
This lady is one that his is deployed with overseas ATM.
I wasn't horribly mean to her. I just told her who I was and what my relationship to P was. I then told her that although I wasn't sure of the nature of hers and P's relationship, that I guessed from the sounds of the message I saw, it wouldn't be a R that I would approve of. I told her that although it appeared as P's and my R was now over to be careful as he cheated on me and a leopard doesn't change his spots.
Well I caught up with an old friend recently and told her of this interaction. I told friend that POW probably hasn't gotten the message on FB as since we were not "friends" on the ALT, the message went to her 'other' folder, which means she most likely hasn't gotten it.
And you know what? I am SO RELIEVED!! I wish so much I could take BACK that message now. Even though I too highly doubt my SO and I are going to reconcile, that message gets me absolutely no where. And if read, would do nothing to help my cause, or make me feel better, or I doubt it would even make things 'difficult' for her and my SO either.
And a little more food for thought... my friend who I told had an interesting point.
Say that the POW in my sitch *HAS* already read this message. And maybe she couldn't *care less*. Maybe she already knew...
So you say part of the reason you want to do one of the things listed is so you aren't being left behind like a fool? Its quite possible that everyone already *knows* that your W is with this man. Who knows?
But whether you recon or if you don't, confronting OM, or anyone involved with OM, does nothing for your case either way.
IMO of course
I am sorry to hear she filed and sorry for your obvious pain and frustration
