Thanks for your thoughts. Again, these are a lot of things that I am just "thinking" about. I haven't done anything like reach out to OM and tell him to back off or call W and tell her that I'm going to out them. In fact, I've known about OM for a while, but haven't made him the focus in conversations with W, and have only tried to explain to her how I've contributed as of late.
Still, her actions have been very strange (i.e., a lot of lying, excuses not to meet, etc.). Granted, I think these stemmed from the knowledge in the back of her mind that I know something that she doesn't want me to know about, and easier to ignore.
I'd be curious to get your opinions on this, but I feel there is a lot of tenseness because that is a big piece that is not in the open (and hasn't been for the last five months since she moved out). Crimson, my objective is to save my M, but I don't think its vindictive to bring this up in a productive manner. As 25 alluded to earlier, my objective would be to say, listen, I know who it is, I get it, and maybe now we can speak openly about how my actions may have led you to find emotional attachment somewhere else, and at that point would we be able to have an open conversation. I do realize that OM is NOT the issue and that I need to work on myself, but I am thinking that at least talking about it like two adults and not hiding behind it may lead to some real dialogue instead of superficial dialogue where I validate when she says "I just felt like we were friends and that you didn't treat me like I should have been treated". Sure, I suppose it would make W a little more uneasy for her to know that I know who this person is, but is that necessarily a bad thing? As 25 has mentioned in the past, she doesn't feel safe and needs to feel safe. I think with both of us ignoring this, there is no way for her to truly feel safe because there is this unspoken piece that she is probably scared to get out. If address it positively, maybe then that could be a 180 where I don't fly off of the handle, but instead discuss it in a way that my W would never expect.
Again, these are my thoughts, but feel free to disagree because I do realize that my instincts are often not right.
