"My initial reaction was to intellectualize it. I knew you were trying for me to gain insight. But that was drowned by an overwhelming sense of humiliation followed by some anger."
I have been thinking about this^^^^for the last 2 days. Been having nighmares, maybe I am hitting some REM sleep which is a good thing.
Before the feeling of humiliation something else happened. When Cat brought me back to August and that I was the same person. That trigger an avalanche of thoughts.
This is what I remember hearing/thinking. I heard her say that I was full of crapp, lying, have made no progress, a complete failure. The thought of being a failure is what casued me to feel humiliated. This all happened at record speed. But Cat never said anything of those things?
I think this is the line of progression for me. So there would be 2 reactions for me when the above happened.
1- I would immediatetly react and express my displeasure with what I thought the person meant.
2- Store it away in my angry tank and brush it off.
Makes sense?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
