I'll just have to stop talking to her for a while I guess. The thing is, I'm so afraid that that's exactly what she wants me to do and she will never text or call or come back if I do that. Part of me wonders that if I can keep some contact with her, she will see that she wants to come back. I just don't see how she can want it to be over I guess.
^^^edgarb, this is you not too long ago. Lots of doubt there. Now take a moment and reflect on whats going on now. Better isn't it? Keep the faith.
I just scanned - if someone already pointed this out apologies.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Ok, been a while since I posted. Things have been incredibly busy, and I went out of town over the weekend. More about all of that later. To answer your question CO1978, today makes 118 days of sobriety for me. It's been a long road, and I really never thought I'd make it this far, but day by day, as they say. I still miss drinking sometimes, but overall, I'm so glad I stopped. My relationship with my parents has improved tremendously as has my relationships with most of my friends. I was always so worried they would think differently about me or not want to hang out with me (my friends, not my parents) if I wasn't drinking. It's been the opposite really. No one has cared at all that I don't drink anymore, and I've strengthened the bonds with some friends. I was also always worried that if I was somewhere where people were drinking, they'd notice if I wasn't. To be honest, I can't tell that anyone notices at all. Granted, only a few times have I been anywhere where people were drinking, but the times I have, no one seemed to pay attention that I wasn't drinking. It's something I have to be vigilant about every day, but I'm so glad I did it.
Now a bit about this past weekend. I went with a really good friend (female) on a trip to Florida to scuba dive the rainbow river and to swim with manatees at Crystal River. We had so much fun! The manatees were awesome...they'd swim up to you and then want you to rub their belly! The dive was great as well. It was a shallow drift dive, and was tons of fun. First time I have ever dove without they direct supervision of an instructor. I just had a wonderful time and hated to have to come back to the real world.
As for the EX, she did come by Friday morning and we chatted for a bit. First time I'd seen her in over a month. She didn't seem to want to sit down but she did take her jacket off for a while. She came to get our dogs and wanted to spend the day with them. I had to go out of town in the afternoon to pick up some supplies for the scuba dive and left a key for her so she could let the dogs back in and I could take them to the vet. Actually, she got kind of irritated when I said I'd take them because she offered to drop them off at the vet herself. I said ok, she could do that, but to let me know they got there safe. At some point in the afternoon, she asked if she could just keep them for the weekend and I said sure. Much better than having them stay in a cold kennel all weekend. She was very appreciative and was sending me pics of them and telling me how happy it was making her and how happy it was making our dogs. At some point during the first night one of our dogs tore up his kennel and so she had to take him to the vet on Saturday morning. Her mom had said he couldn't stay there any longer. She let me know what was going on and took him to the vet for me. She texted me a bit throughout the weekend and then on Monday (i was coming back in town on Tuesday) offered to pick the one dog up at the vet and drop them at my house on her way to work. I just said thanks, she didn't have to do that, but she insisted. I tried to be as "cool" as possible while on the trip and really didn't respond to her unless she was directly asking a question and then only did I respond after an hour or so each time. Anyway, she dropped off both dogs at the house, and left a very nice note. I said thanks, and she said thanks for letting her see them. I reminded her she could see them whenever she wanted. We chatted some more on Tuesday with her initiating most of it. Today, I sent her an email about migraine remedies b/c her mom and brother suffer from them. She said thanks and I didn't reply. Later, she asked if I had gotten her note. I just said, yes, I got it thanks I didn't want to seem too eager. It was a very nice note telling me thanks and that she could tell I was taking great care of the dogs.
I see my IC on Friday, and I don't think I'll say anything to her until then, unless she does. Trying not to read too much into it, but she really responded well and initiated a lot over the weekend. She constantly said have a safe trip and have a fun trip and all of that. She didn't ask who I was going with, but looking back, I think she may have seen my receipt for my deposit on the trip which had my name and the girl I went with's name. Maybe that's why she talked to me a lot, or there is some other reason, who knows. I just know that she hasn't initiated that much conversation with me in a long, long time. Trying not to get too excited about it, and just play it cool. I've done well so far, so cheer me on and keep it up. Any advice and suggestions are welcome as always!
Great contact most of last week. She did a fair amount of initiating. I find myself getting angry at her for making the decisions she made. Anyway, I still want to be with her more than anything. In the grand scheme of it all, we are still talking civilly, have seen each other a few times, and she expressed some interest in coming by again soon. I've been working on the house a lot and making some good progress. I've pretty much finished two rooms and getting ready to move on to another.
Anyway, she spent the weekend with boyfriend. We had some terrible storms last night with tornado warnings. I woke up and all i could think about was how the sirens always scared her and that it was not me there to comfort her. It made me really sad, but what can I do. We have talked a little bit today. I initiated it b/c I just couldn't help it. It went well though. Told her about working on the house and at the end she just said "nifty!" so i figured that was a good place to end it.
I made another appointment with my DB coach for Wednesday. It's been about 3 weeks since I spoke with her, and lots has happened since then so I'm hoping that she will have some advice on how to handle the situation going forward.
I've had some really low points lately, but I'm getting through them. It's not over until I say it is. I am still 100% committed to trying to work this out. i don't always take the right steps but I'm getting better at it. Thanks guys!
Things have been going well over the past week. We talked some early in the week and then skipped two days and we talked again Friday. On Friday afternoon, I was going to meet a friend for lunch and saw my EX driving down the road. We waved at each other and made silly faces (we were travelling the same direction). Later, she texted to say she had fun doing that and she offered to bring her dog by on Friday so I could see him. We had some really nice conversation yesterday. I don't know if it's any sort of breakthrough, but I'll take it.
My DB coach brought up a good point. My EX had said something to me that it really lessened her worry that I was taking such good care of the dogs. We don't have kids, but in much the same way as a man being a good father will touch a woman's heart, perhaps that is happening with our dogs? I think it's great that she initiated contact with me for this coming Friday. I will see how it goes, but maybe we can go grab a cup of coffee or something as well. I've talked all that through with my DB coach so I think I'll know her signals if she's tellign me it's ok to ask for more. Anyway, very small steps, you know? I really feel good about this, and will continue to DB. Hopefully, I'm making some cracks in the ice and maybe she's starting to notice the changes I've made etc. Wish me luck!
So yesterday the ex wanted to confirm coming by on Friday at noon. I was not in a very good mood and didn't respond to her. I'm halfway thinking of telling her I have plans so as to not always seem available in her schedule. Any thoughts about this? My other idea was to see if she would rather meet in the park and have lunch. Any thoughts? Thanks!
I didn't want to seem too eager. It was a very nice note telling me thanks and that she could tell I was taking great care of the dogs. 