feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[imthemom]

Still have not heard back from my L as to the new offer I presented to H...But she did call me Mon. morning and told me something that I didnt even realize..this settlement agreement is not even the permanent one..its a temporary agreement that is put in place until the rest of things are hammered out and then it could be different..it could be less it could be more. All I could think about is H is fighting this much over a temporary agreement?????? I was hoping we were near the end of this and it sounds like we are just beginning!!!!

I know this whole thing started out as not what I even wanted...I filed because he forced my hand and I didnt want a divorce, but now I just want it over with. It has been a very painfull thing for me to come to grips with and I just want my life back. What I dont understand is this is what he wanted!!..why is he making it so difficult and fighting it every step of the way when he wants it so bad??!!...I am working on giving it over to my higher power as they say in Al Anon...but thst is proving to be harder then I expected. I have a meeting tonight...Ive been going twice a week and have found it the MOST helpfull thing I have done since this whole thing started. S14 is still going once a week to Al Ateen and is still conflicted about going but has gotten alot out of it. Ive noticed his attitude has changed toward his D since he started. Not sure if its good because he has gotten so angry but sometimes I think anger is good...it means hes working threw his feelings and is not stuck anymore, but I think he has had some realizations about his D that are hard for him to look at. He has become pretty confrontational with his D and Im walking a fine line with letting him express it to him, but being respectfull in the process....last night he just let loose on his D and I wasnt sure how to handle it so I pretty much stayed out of it except to tell him that this is his father and he had to be respectfull of his feelings just as he expects his D to be respectfull of his.
He doesnt feel his father has been respectfull of anyone and said he is selfish. In my head I thought "well, yes he is"...but I kept that to my self..lol! He was upset because he asked his D if he could take him to get some school supplies that he needed and he was told no because my H said he didnt have any money. S14 responded with "thats funny, you had money to buy that new hunting rifle but you cant buy me some binders?"...ummmm....wow!! I guess he does see more then I give him credit for. He has lost a lot of respect for his D and Im wondering how that is going to be repaired...but that is not my situation to worry about. I know this.
I just really [censored] to see my S14 have to come to these realizations about life at this age...

I know this is all over the place, just needed to get it out!
really really really frustrated with things right now....