next time be SPECIFIC as in, "I will pick son up at 6:54 pm." if she stares at you
then you say "my reasoning in choosing that time is b/c it preceeds his bedtime but allows for a meal together, and sufficient time on your end. Is this satisfactory to you?"
She's either being rude or she's commenting on a trait she dislikes in you, or both.
Are you vague when you communicate with her or about time in general?
Okay so fix that I guess, but never take her tone. Sheesh
...as they say here in southern California
what a betch...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yea it does not look like she might upset about your son's upcoming time with you.
It could be that she is upset and that she really does not know how to channel that correctly. For all you know, she had a rough time in traffic and she is upset about that but you become the target.
I feel that there's not much can do about that, except to let these things just roll off your back. Otherwise she still has the power to control your emotions.
I am sure that over time she will realize.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
UPDATE I haven't checked in here for probably a few weeks because my parents from Malaysia flew into town, so it's been crazy hectic. Today is also day 257 of Ops No-Jack. Good times.
It was interesting when my wife came to pick our son up from my house the other day: My parents came out to greet her and my dad hugged her, so did my mom. (Nobody had seen each other for 2 years now.) According to my mom, she noticed surprise then sorrow in my wife's eyes.
And then, yesterday my wife came to me and said that she didn't know my parent were visiting for so long and didn't mind our son staying with me during that time. She said, "E should get to know his grandparents more."
I don't know what to make of my mom's observation of my wife. Maybe my wife just regrets losing the relationship with my parents, but not necessarily me.
Also, what my wife said about wanting our son to know my parents more, two things I thought of when she said that were:
a. Sure, you're saying that because you're suddenly feeling guilty thanks to my parents' positive attitude towards you." b. "Of COURSE you want our son to know his grandparents more, especially since you're planning to take him away more permanently to the East Coast, right?"
I know it's pessimistic of me to think those things, but well...I don't know...
UPDATE 6pm Okay, perhaps somebody can explain this interesting development:
When my wife came to fetch our son from here, she started talking to me about her matches. She's in med school, and matches are hospitals that will be accept her as a resident.
Anyway, she begins explaining how she's applied everywhere, including here in California, but unfortunately she's gotten too many rejections from this state to count. So many of her interviews have been in the East Coast (as some of y'all might've read about from my previous posts). She said she'll find out in mid-March where she'll be going, but she's confident she'll get South Carolina or Tennessee.
So here's where I'm left wondering: Throughout the conversation, she did NOT imply once that she was intending of following through on her initial intent to file for sole custody of our son. It sounded to me that she assumes that I would be going along. She even remembered that my previous employer (from my engineering days) operates out of Charleston, SC, and though she didn't say it outright, it sounded like she was implying that I could find work with them.
...Is she assuming? ...Is she dragging this separation longer and delaying the finalizing of the divorce? I.e. Is she having second thoughts? (That's the optimistic side of me speaking) ...Is she stringing me along so I can be there to help with our son (just as we are right now)?
Well... Imma gonna go with door number three... but... with a touch of a... and a dash of that stuff in the middle...
How's THAT for hedging? lol
What do you think the likelyhood is that she's forgotten she doesn't want to be M to you?
That's what's making me wonder, Kaffe. Yes, she doesn't want to be married to me, but that doesn't mean she wants a divorce per se. I've ALWAYS had a hunch that she's still in conflict over this. Others who have talked to her or seen her (e.g. some church friends, or my mother, as I wrote about above) have noticed the same as well.
Now, I also understand that though she may be in conflict, she (like many others, i.e. the 50% who decide to end their marriages) may end up taking the easier route.
Also, why bother filing for divorce and requesting full custody and alimony/child support, and then telling me all those things in my last post?
I'm still practicing LRT, though not as thorough as I used to. Not that I backslide, but just haven't used all the steps (and only because the opportunities presented aren't as obvious as, say, in the earlier/crazier part of our separation).
I went back and read the chapter again, though. Based on the writing, I don't see how it would be called "pursuing" if I asked my wife about why she thinks I might be going to the East with her. I agree it's "pursuing" if I repeatedly bug her about it, if I frequently bring it up.
That's not to say that I will ask my wife per Shaky's suggestion, but there may come a time when I/we might have to.
At the moment, I will stick to my plan to remain in California and try to get full custody of our son. However, if I do entertain the idea of moving, I have a few questions to ask you folks (before I approach my lawyer):
- What is the divorce law in either SC or Tennessee? My wife has filed for divorce here in CA, but if she moves and so do I, how would the divorce be executed then?
I would agree with what you say about pursuing, yet I still get spew in even the most benign conversation which, in retrospect, a single comment by me COULD be interpreted as pursuing...
Maybe some are more hyper tuned to it then others... *shrug*
