and as an aside, thanks for that last comment cat04. that was kind of you.
in the spirit of divorce busting, i would like to say this: honesty with self and others is indeed a difficult thing. it seems part of the human condition that much of the feedback we receive about ourselves is negative - pointing out what is wrong. and even people who sincerely care about us can do this. sometimes such feedback is accurate, sometimes it is not. sometimes it is helpful, sometimes it is not.
and then there's our self-feedback or self-perception. if it's true that many of us have a hard time seeing our faults, it's equally true that most of us have a hard time seeing our virtues as well.
so what is it we want to grow, both within ourselves or others? if it is our strengths, assets and virtues then i would say that's what we pay attention to and build. the more we build those things, the more the other parts of us, the so called faults and weaknesses, die by extinction and lack of attention. as MWD would say, whatever you want to see more of, pay attention to.
in that spirit, i ask you rick, or any other contributor, to look at what has grown and what has changed for the better. what is it you have done that is demonstrably true because it involves some kind of observable behavior? to use a very simple example, you started going to church, no? or you can now interact with your W in more conscious and proactive ways, no? these are things you are building - like going to a gym.
anger is an impulse, a reaction. understanding where it comes from is not a bad thing if it helps you translate that into a purpose - treating people more kindly for instance. furthermore, i would agree with cat04 that when you work on a GAL strategy and other esteem building activities, it helps build your internal resources and this helps quiet the fears that stimulate anger. and it's also helpful to learn to manage yourself when you do feel angry so that you don't harm self or others. just understand, in my opinion, that anger is an impulse you will experience at times throughout your life if you are human. and to me, the internal feeling of anger is not pathological or wrong per se. its what happens after you experience it that really matters. yes, by all means - for your sake - do anything you can that reduces the experience of anger - your life will no doubt be better for that. but don't drive yourself crazy with self-judgment just because the impulse of anger occurs within you.
so....if you are interested, how about doing an inventory of those things you have done in the last 3 months that reflect progress - as measured by observable behaviors, large and small?
