The things that are left for my H to do is to come completely clean...oh, I don't want details....I want to HEAR what his self actualization is. I want him to articulate to me when and how he got to the point that he saw cheating as the best recourse for his pain. I want to HEAR what he's learned from this experience...HOW he plans to take the lessons he's learned and use them to eliminate ANY chance of his ever seeing betrayal as an option again.
I want all his mail to come here (not his office or PO Box) AND I want to have access to his financial information so that I know WHERE his money is going.
I fully understand your requirements, if my H were ever to want to come back, it would have to be on the basis of a new set of ground rules, on both sides. No more letting things slide till there's a huge mess to clear up.
Did I remember you writing that your earlier threads were lost or that you didn't link to them as you were a phoenix rising from the ashes and didn't want to be reminded of those times?
It would be useful to read some of those early posts just to get an idea of how far you have come, and give some of us more hope that things can turn around.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
The guardian angel of this BB, Deb (aka Imalright) was good enough to find and link all my old threads together in the Success Stories thread. You'll find all my trial, tribulation, and insanity posted on those threads.
It's true, I do NOT go back and re-read my old threads. I don't care to look back at that pain and heartache because it's almost as though I didn't 'know' that person, if you understand what I mean.
I was so broken, so fragile back then...NOT anymore though. T2
Okay. I decided to post an update to my sitch this morning as a result of my preaching to Deb about the importance of sharing all the different feelings she has and not feeling that it's necessary for her to always be "UP" when she posts.
So here goes:
I am in a great place in my own head these days. There's no drama in my life.
I can't remember the last time I felt like running or felt like my H was considering running.
We're evening out here. Things are stabalizing. We're more comfortable with each other. We're feeling 'safer' with each other.
I find that the further away we get from the As the better we are able to look each other in the eyes again.
There's a new level of honesty between us, especially on my end.
I no longer walk on egg shells.
I don't hold anything back.
I don't allow myself to foster resentments, I keep all my cards on the table.
I don't hesitate to call my H on anything that irks me.
I'm no longer more worried about how HE feels then I am about how I feel.
I have learned to put ME first. I have learned that being happy depends on ME doing things that make me happy instead of waiting for HIM to do them. If I need him to do something I TELL HIM.
I like me again. I like me A LOT.
My H and I are going to share a bank acct for the first time in 20 yrs so that there is mutual accountability for our finances.
We have discussed having a recommitment ceremony in the future.
My H now arranges all his biz trips around when I can take time off from work to go with him.
We have a great deal of work yet to do to make THIS marriage the one we REALLY want and not just the one we have.
It's all good one way or the other...because I KNOW that either way I will survive and MY life will be full with OR without my H.
You are the WOMAN!! You you are my role model! I hope to be where you're at some point down the road. I know I have a long way to go on my journey.
You told me awhile back, that when I thought all was lost, that when I thought there was no hope..to think of you! You've come so far and I'm headed the same way and not looking back.
Thanks for updating us, you are a strong, wonderful woman.
