Okay. I decided to post an update to my sitch this morning as a result of my preaching to Deb about the importance of sharing all the different feelings she has and not feeling that it's necessary for her to always be "UP" when she posts.
So here goes:
I am in a great place in my own head these days. There's no drama in my life.
I can't remember the last time I felt like running or felt like my H was considering running.
We're evening out here. Things are stabalizing. We're more comfortable with each other. We're feeling 'safer' with each other.
I find that the further away we get from the As the better we are able to look each other in the eyes again.
There's a new level of honesty between us, especially on my end.
I no longer walk on egg shells.
I don't hold anything back.
I don't allow myself to foster resentments, I keep all my cards on the table.
I don't hesitate to call my H on anything that irks me.
I'm no longer more worried about how HE feels then I am about how I feel.
I have learned to put ME first. I have learned that being happy depends on ME doing things that make me happy instead of waiting for HIM to do them. If I need him to do something I TELL HIM.
I like me again. I like me A LOT.
My H and I are going to share a bank acct for the first time in 20 yrs so that there is mutual accountability for our finances.
We have discussed having a recommitment ceremony in the future.
My H now arranges all his biz trips around when I can take time off from work to go with him.
We have a great deal of work yet to do to make THIS marriage the one we REALLY want and not just the one we have.
It's all good one way or the other...because I KNOW that either way I will survive and MY life will be full with OR without my H.
