The last 2 days I've been reading through the MLC board stickies and have gained a lot of information. The rewriting of marriage history, the fact that deep down I'm certain she loves me, the fact that it's all my fault
Please don't think that...in fact, that isn't a DB principle at all. It is NOT 100% your fault. I used to say it was 95% my fault...That was even wrong. There are two people in the marriage. Blame may not be equal but it is shared.
Originally Posted By: Denton
the bringing up of her father a lot and other childhood issues, the unreasonableness, behaving like a rebelious teenager, the negativity towards me, the pushing me away but not wanting to split up permenently and no mention of D, and the fact that I can't do anything right
Again, please don't think that way. I am not saying you are perfect. But I am positive there are MANY things you do that are right. Give yourself some credit. Identify what things/behavior that can cause strife and figure out how to change it.
I am going to go ahead and post some thoughts about your other posts here as well. You need to forget about Nick. He isn't your problem. He is a symptom. Focus on you and getting you to where you need/want to be. Be the person your W fell in love with. Stop snooping on her phone and computer. It will only make you depressed/angry. Worry about only the things YOU can control. The only thing you can control is yourself. Your W isn't going to come back unless, and be happy, unless the things that made her unhappy are resolved. I am going to be honest with you. They may not be just about you. There may be some issues that she has that CAN'T be resloved by you (or at all for that matter). That is why you need to concentrate on you. Work on yourself. Be the person YOU want to be.
Another thing I want you to know is that hapiness is a choice. Everyday when you wake up, you can choose to be happy. Of course there are going to be tough times, but how you react to them is all up to you. Anger, sadness, dispair, etc. they will all come, but how long they last can be determined by you and how long you choose to let them stay. The next time you are sad, ask yourself "Would I rather be sad or happy?" and do something about it! I know it is SO easy to say...but with practice, it is easy to do as well. As Kaffe said, come here to vent/journal/gloat...We are here for you.
