update on my situation - W filed yesterday (clearly didn't care that I asked her to wait).

I have 30 days to respond, so very limited in what I can do.

They say DB'ing doesn't work when there is an OM involved...not that I have been doing a very good job of it, but without kids, we have very little contact anyways...plus she's always lying about things so I never know the truth anyway.

I was thinking about taking a slightly different approach. Do you think it would help to call the OM (he works with my W, but is far more senior to her in position) and basically say I know what's going on and I can report it to HR if you continue what you are doing and let him panic as I'm sure he wouldn't like this.

Or should I mention to W, when I meet up with her, listen, I think it's time to be honest...I know about OM and as 25 alluded to, basically say I realize my role in why she might have felt like I was absent and why she would do that.

Or, I could go to OM's family and e-mail them (OM's sister works with W and OM, but just in a different department).

As people have brought up in the past, "what is my objective from this?" It is to create a situation where it is not so easy to maintain this relationship and make it uncomfortable for OM such that the dynamic might change. If he is aware that I could go to HR or that his sister knows (or even parents if I chose), I'm not so sure that would bring them closer as they would then know that the cat's out of the bag.

I just don't see me doing LRT or going dark at this point could help anything as there is no reason for us to have contact and then when it's signed, they can run off into the distance and leave me looking like a fool. While I have shown signs of anger, or punitive actions, this is one piece of information that I have been very careful with. I could have told all of her friends, co-workers, etc. a long time ago when I found out who this person was, but I didn't. W knows I know of an OM, but she has denied it and last we talked about it, I at that point didn't know who it was, but now do.

Worst case scenario, my W is upset and OM is upset, but not really much to lose at this point.

Again, this would be via a phone call or e-mail. I don't plan on physically confronting anyone.

I know, this is not conventional DB'ing, but I really believe DB'ing is also difficult when you don't have kids or any reason to connect on a regular basis.

Any thoughts or 2x4s?? While you can fault me for anything I've done to date, I just need something to break up this trajectory and fog.