Your sitch reminds me of mine. My H's favorite word was "stuck", and he always used to say that he felt so stuck because of the fact that he could not leave, he cared for our daughter, he knew that leaving the M was wrong, his religious beliefes did not jive with what he really wanted, plus OW also did not want him. And yet he felt that he was facing a life of misery with me because he did not love me anymore, and because of the rejection he had from OW.
I brought up retrouvaille with him when he said that he knew he was staying but was still feeling stuck. I said that since he was staying anyways, we had to find a way to be able to communicate better and somehow,maybe find out if we could at least improve our relationship, especially since we had our 12 year old to think about. I did not want her to grow up in a miserable family.
He agreed on those grounds. I did not pressure him again after I brought it up, and since it was still 2 months to go, somehow, our R slowly got a little better over that couple of months, with me able to keep my lips zipped more, knowing that an opportunity to communicate better would be coming up.
Just like your H, mine was also still believing in his rewritten history, but I could sense that there were cracks that were showing slowly in his story. I had grown so much stronger by then, having been almost 1.5 years in the sitch by then.
We went to Retrouvaille in November. I have to tell you that it was an eye-opener.
It is saving our M. Of course, there are no guarantees, and things could still change, but as of now we are pretty much into piecing.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
