CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE!

[angel61]

I think 25 did such a good job with explaining why your sitch is frustrating! I love the way she says that you need to be a catalyst for change.

As it is, you are just happy with the "crumbs" that your H gives you. You are happy with your little "victories" - like being able to take him away for a day - just like you described when you and H went camping in Joshua tree, you were happy that you had a good day together and was able to stop them from seing each other that day.

But I will ask you, what good did that do for you in the long run? Will it change things? Your H may just chalk it to another "crumb" he is handing you, and could easily go and see OW the next few days after, and spend "quality time" with her instead of sitting listening to a boring lecture. Have you thought of that ? Maybe he just said "OW, I will go and humor W today by going with her camping. Don't worry, I won't sleep with her, but when I come back, we could have a really fun time together .... by ourselves..."

So your win is a hollow one, one that does not have any meaning. What we are asking you here is to think of how you can do something which can bring about real change. Your H has to know that you cannot go on not knowing why he is changing, that you have needs that he has to consider.