Journal.... and because I don't have a BFF to call and vent to......
Went to the YMCA with the kids- so they could play and I could get a workout in. I became overwhelmed with memories of BFF and her kids... We spent all summer at the Y together. I kept having flashes of the kids playing in the pool, she and I talking while sunbathing.... it became a sad and heavy weight on my heart. Not sure where all that came from all of a sudden- because I've gone to the Y since all this cr@p started and never got sad before.
So when I got home, I became sad all over again.... I guess my mind had broken down that wall that I had around my emotions- so they all started flooding out. *I'm sad that H hasn't called me all day. Not even a text or email. A reality that I have to get used to. *I'm sad that H won't be coming home tonight because *this* is where he *wants* to be. In fact, tonight is his night off from the boys, so he has no real reason to even stop by. *I'm sad that he's leaving in 4 months and I have NO CLUE how he will feel about us by then (I REALLY need someone to hurry up and invent a crystal ball!!) *I'm sad that (I think) he chooses to get comfort and friendship from exBFF... I'm mad that that^^^^^ sitch makes me question myself: "what does she have that I don't?"
I really don't like feeling this way, I have no idea where this all came from. I'm trying to get myself out of it by playing my 'happy' playlist on the stereo and reading/posting on the boards.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12