Being pretty weepy today, tried to actually cry but I can't (I am a man after all). Woke up at 0530 this morning after a bad dream involving my wife performing sexual acts with another man (not who she had an EA with, just some random man) and I think this set me up for the day and no matter what I couldn't snap out of it.
The last 2 days I've been reading through the MLC board stickies and have gained a lot of information. The rewriting of marriage history, the fact that deep down I'm certain she loves me, the fact that it's all my fault, the bringing up of her father a lot and other childhood issues, the unreasonableness, behaving like a rebelious teenager, the negativity towards me, the pushing me away but not wanting to split up permenently and no mention of D, and the fact that I can't do anything right, strongly makes me believe she is going through MLC and is not just a WAW. I can identify the replay stage definetly and I can sort of identify Anger looking back but I can't really identify Denial which is the 1st stage. Based on what I'm seeing now, lack of housework, playing card games on her iPhone, how she is so withdrawn with me and how she is not contacting me except about the kids, her pessimistic view of our R, empty chocolate wrappers everywhere (she was on a massive diet binge before) and the ultimatum forced end of EA friendship I believe (hopefully) that she has entered depression and possibly withdrawal.
I'm still confused a little as she is being ultra friendly with all her family and it feels like shes just trying too hard, just like when I look back now in my mind on her nights out with her work mates and the photos she has on facebook it looks like she was trying too hard and doing things like swinging from lamp posts which just isn't her. Hopefully the replay stage is gone, I've read so many terrible stories on the MLC board and I am greatful of lifes circumstances meant she couldn't become an alcoholic, spend our life savings (as we had none!) and other horrible things.
Going to really get into DR tonight and tomorrow, and try to work more on detaching. Not looking forward to Febuary, valentines day and our 1st/4th wedding anniversary ( we got married on 29th Febuary 2008)
