Oys2 – thanks for your comments. I’m trying really hard to GAL. It’s so hard sometimes. I will read back over my posts. I have a hard time giving myself compliments. Maybe this will help. I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten the DB principles down. I really need to sit down and read and highlight. I’m good at highlighting. LOL
So, I took a day off the boards yesterday. Because I am seriously living in the Land of Bazarro. My H came home Sunday night around 11pm. We sat and talked for a while, and he was extra talkative about the weekend. He got to see some high school friends and was EXTRA excited. Told me I just HAVE to meet one of them. (I wanted to ask when, before or after we split, but I didn’t. LOL)
I then did something I said I wouldn’t do. I asked him if he had worn his wedding ring at all the whole weekend. Then he proceeds to tell me how he can’t find it and how upset he was and that he’d been looking for it all weekend. I said YOU LOST IT? He gave me this fearful look and said he thought it might be somewhere in his car. I just said Wow, and didn’t say anything else about it.
Then my trip to the Land of Bazarro gets even crazier…so I take a shower and I am basically hiding out in my bathroom because I don’t want to have to deal with the whole pillow/blanket/couch debacle. I hear him moving around in the bedroom, but don’t come out until he’s gone. I come out and say “Oh you got your pillows?” He says, “Yes.” I say, “I only did that so my sister would not ask me a bunch of questions.” He says, “Its fine.” Then I lose myself for a minute and say/yell slightly, “Well, clearly it’s not fine if you’re still sleeping on the couch.”
I instantly felt bad. There went my DB skills out the window. But there wasn’t anything I could do then. Not at 1:30 AM. So…guess who comes padding in to the room about 20 mins later? I didn’t say a word…just moved to my side and went to sleep. Or tried to go to sleep. Because my H then proceeds to cuddle with me. (This is a big thing for him that he loves and we hadn’t really been doing this at all. I never said much about it though.) I tense up for half a second and then relaxed. Told myself to breath and just go to sleep. But I didn’t get much sleep at all. I was too busy up thinking what in the world is going on? And fighting for covers, which honestly I hadn’t missed. LOL
Same thing last night. I came home from kickboxing, and he was his same talkative self. We watched a documentary on an R&B group we love, and then both went to bed around the same time. Here comes the cuddling again. We both tossed and turned literally all night. Then this morning things got even stranger. When we first got together, we would do this thing that we called our “good morning”. And I could always tell when my H wanted his “good morning”. Well, I got that same vibe this morning, but didn’t make one move. It was the strangest thing. He hasn’t touched me like that in MONTHS. And now this.
Of course in my head, I’m hearing Wendy Williams say, “Oh no you didn’t!” LOL At first I was FURIOUS. Really, after all this time, here you are now? UGH! But I just laid there, still as a church mouse, with his arm draped across me. Finally, we both had to get up or we were going to be late for church. I think he was really waiting on me to make the first move. Doing so would have been a true 180 for me because I never really initiated before. Well I did, just not a lot. But…with all this OW stuff, I felt this would have been a mistake to do this today. Even as bad as I wanted to do it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel different. *shrug*
I took a long time, and many words to say that I still don’t know what’s going on in my M. But, I am feeling better about things. At least today I am. One day at a time. Today I woke up thinking, I just don’t want to talk about H. I don’t want to think about H and our M. I just want to live today. And so far, so good.
