(((((T2))))) Hi!!! I lost track of you soemhow and your thread was mentioned on another post so I came to find you!
I am so glad your H is home, but mosty I am glad that you have found yourself. You last post made me cry because I am feeling so much of what you described!
My H is not home, nor will he ever come home, but I have learned to accept that, to move on and to appreciate the person that I have become as a result of the pain I experienced as my M fell apart.
You sound awesome , T2 and YOU are a success, no matter what happens in your M!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
My buddy, my pal, my partner from the beginning! LMAO!
Just bumping your thread up!
This woman has brought me up the the pits of he//, many times! She believes in me! And I believe in her even if she doesn't, LMAO!
Thank God she has never had to wack me too hard, usually will a velvet coated 2 x 4, LOL!
Yes, I'm tooting you darn horn! So don't be shy! LOL! I miss our third partner; KK, but she is taking care of business! Bless her! Someday she will be back here!
Hugs to my buddy T2! My rock, my boat! Remember in Newcombers when we were waving the white towels at our S's? LOL! All that curb sitting, all that popcorn and drinking! LMAO!
Wow T2, You certainly have come a long way!!...I want to thank you for visiting my thread and the wonderful advice you have provided. You are an inspiration to us all. Regarding your post above, even though W and I are still S, one of the fears I have is exactly what you expressed. And I don't know who would be leaving who behind. I feel as though I am committed much more to the R since she is the one who decided to walk. But if we ever do get back on track, I kind of identify with your feelings about the WAS "catching up" and if she doesn't, perhaps I really don't want to salvage the M. (Boy, I never thought I would say that!) I guess it is just the harsh reality of the sitch.
The only thing I would suggest to you is to not keep your expectations for your H a secret. That's how many of the LBS wind up here in the first place. Perhaps you could share this with H in a counseling session so H doesn't perceive it as a threat.
Most importantly, live one day at a time...Don't project what you think is going to happen in the future. Making your M work "just for today" is a much easier goal than worrying about "making it work forever". Enjoy it in little bites and savor even the smallest, little morsels.
I wish you continued success and I will check back often to see how you are doing.
Quote: My H knows that I am moving forward. He knows that if he doesn't do the work to catch up he will be left in the dust of my re-emergence, the choice is his to make, because either way, I WILL SURVIVE, MY personal future is very, very bright with OR without him.
I was just wondering if your H thought that he WAS trying?
When my H dropped the bombshell, I asked him how he had made a decision without even talking to me, without even TRYNG to fix the things that were wrong in our M, and replied that he HAD been trying.....
I don't know if this was just defensiveness or if he perceived he TRULY HAD BEEN TRYING. It certainly didn't feel like that to me. And we never had an explicit talk about anything.
Does your H know that you don't think he is trying as much as he should or could be?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I am very open with my H about MY expectations. I don't hold anything back. I say whatever I have to say without anger, accusation etc...I state my needs directly and calmly.
I'm a million miles away from where I was less than six months ago. I promised myself for New Years that I was through walking on egg shells. That I was no longer going to sacrifice my dignity or self esteem to have my H back in my life. With every passing month I've grown stronger, my self esteem has climbed back to what it use to be and I have (for the first time in all these years) separated 'me from him'...in that I see MY LIFE as my life with him simply as a PART of it NOT all of it.
This has been a long and painful two years but I am healthy emotionally today, I see what I NEED and I refuse to settle for less than I deserve.
My H knows this, it's no secret. My H has returned to the guy he once was...he knows that there are things that he must do...I am giving him a reasonable amt. of time to do those things...but he knows, that if fear or guilt or whatever keep him from doing what I've asked that he will will no longer be welcome in my life.
My H has recently told me that he is doing the best he can for now...he meant it in a good way...he is working his way towards feeling 'safe' enough to do what he's been asked. He is afraid because he KNOWS what he will loose, he's not lost in a fog anymore and he doesn't want to loose me...and that is what he's most afraid of now. T2
