These types od realizations ^^^^^, I am finding, are the key to personal redemption, CO. Try your best to tackly them - it is obvious that you are not happy with them - now would be the time to DO something about it.
In the meantime, I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all by letting your W have some space/time without you. I am still in the thick of it - but I am fairly certain that is what got my W to a point where she was comfortable enough with me to not be angry.
Control your anger and intial emotions/reactions. Looking back, I am seeing that mine served me very poorly. Moreover - almost 100% of the time my initial reaction to something my W said, did or asked for was the complete OPPOSITE of what it should have been. 180s and "as if" helped me a lot there.
