If you were to be brutally honest with yourself...
How many of your interactions at home, were conducted in a "military" style ?
How much of the time, were you still "in charge" at home ?
This is something that we discussed after our separation. She understood why I acted like I did, and knows that I didn't realize that I was doing so.
I know not all interactions where this way, but a lot of them were. A few weeks back she made the statement that I treated her like she was my property, It really hurt me when she said that.
I never felt that she was my property. I didn't realize I ever came across that way, she never once said anything about this until we were separated. To know that I could be that way to the person I love and not even realize it makes it worse.
She takes equal blame for a lot of our problems, for letting me act the way I did as she put it "walk all over her." She said it started small and just kept getting bigger and worse. She said I couldn't tell because she was "pampering me", so I began to expect it, and when I didn't get my way (controlling) I got upset. This pattern went for just about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that went on in our relationship.
The only controlling behavior she mentioned to me while we were married was the money. She now admits that my taking control of the money started out with good intentions, but went too far after years of control.
M 33 W 29 S 4 M 5 T 7 11/7/11 Separation, W moves in with parents 12/1/11 W: "IDLY, I'm not coming back, it's over" 1/7/12 D Bomb Dropped
