[quote=ces67]It's weird but although I want this to work, I have had to rely on myself so much that I'm finding myself preparing for a very different life than I imagined I would lead from here on. I'm thinking in terms of how I want to live if I'm going to be a single dad, how I will redefine my existance without her, what I want to do, where I want to live, etc.
I feel like for reasons only the universe knows I have been drawn into this massive spiritual battle. I will face it with honor for me, for her, for everyone else, and not back down; but I have this sense that I'm going to do this and then be on my own once its over. I heard stories about full reconciliations, I know my W loves me, I know this is really about her and not us and our M is caught up in it, but I'm afraid I've lost the feel or the memory of us being unconstrained together. Our time together is still good and that helps keeping us connected, but I find it hard to see the romance part back. Maybe this is just a natural thing to feel. I continue to act "as if" in the meantime, but I hate the acting part.[/color]
You are not alone Rick, I feel very similar to this ^^^. I am hoping this fearful feeling you described above is just a phase in this process. Like you I am not going to give up so only time will tell.
