Hi sleeper, My stbx was shot in the head at work 4 years ago. He was shot by OW's stbx at the time.
This may be lengthy but Im going to give some history here.
Obviously stbx lived, or I wouldn't be here talking about our lovely dysfunctions.
See OW and my stbx worked together for a year or so by the time this happened. They were friends and I think my stbx got OW into online gaming.
OW's stbx (4 years ago) felt my husband and she were having an affair.My husband told me about this and felt it was silly. Everything pointed to them just being friends, but I had a very odd hunch SOMETHING was amuck. I couldn't place my finger on it. Hind sight now being 20/20, I think it was OW that was after my husband for a long time, trying to get him to rescue her. I don't think he started falling for it until MLC started kicking in. When and where it started to become more of an emotional affair I have no idea.
OW had another boyfriend at time of shooting and in divorce process with her stbx. Ow was with this man for about a year, maybe year and a half.
10 months prior to the shooting my mom unexpectedly died. My husband took it harder than I thought he would. It was then I saw how much he really did care about my mother.
About 6 months prior to the shooting my husband started acting very depressed. He wouldn't talk. I tried to connect, but I got the PA script " nothing is wrong" Im tired. Then a few months later he started getting irritable, angry, and nasty. I walked on egg shells for months. I had wondered if losing my mom was a catalyst into this depression I had never seen him go through before.
Then 4 months prior to shooting his grandfather unexpectedly died. Husband flipped out on me for me telling him I thought he needed to take some time off and rest especially during the time after his grandpa died. That turns into a spew session of all i did wrong. I flipped my lid and kicked him out.
1 week later husband comes bursting in the door at 3 a.m. telling me he's been detatched from reality. He doesn't undertand his thinking or why he comes to the conclusions that he does. He asks to come home, I say yes.
3 months later, he gets shot at work by OW's stbx husband. Ow and my husabnd were working together that night.
OW stbx is in prison till 2015.
Stbx suffered from being shot physically and of course mentally. He was able to stay at home for 9 months after the shooting but finances were dwindling due to them pulling workmans comp and unemployment running out. Those 9 months were like a honey moon for the family again. But what I did see was my husband turn into a hermit.
It was hard for him to go out in public. For starters loud sounds and such would give him flashbacks. Then it would turn into migraines, and he would get very anxious. So he stayed at home, feeling safe. This is where he needed to be and I was ok with this.
We live in a small town, so this was just the biggest hot news. People calling, coming over, in the news paper, the news paper calling us for interviews, seeing people in public...oh boy it was something else. And it was HARD. Husband stayed at home, I went out and dealt with reality. I had to. He needed to heal, my kids needed me to be strong, and life had to go on. I did it with my head held high. It was then I needed to fall apart, but I didn't.
When stbx went back to work, it was about 2 -3 months in to it he started getting really nasty, and mean. Mentally I don't think he was ready to face the world but he had to. I had noticed about 6 months post accident he started having more angry outbursts, which wasn't like him. He would physically start throwing things around, never like him. He would just go "snap". Not like him. One night he said something that really irritated me. I decided to go in the back room and cool off before I said anything. He came in and asked if he said something to upset me. When I told him, he snapped....and spoke to me in a way HE NEVER had before.
So to say this situation is complicated damn near doesn't do it justice.
