i really understand how hard and confusing it is to feel discarded. yet - years later and out of the emotional trenches - i clearly see that at the end of the day i am responsible for how i feel about myself. and if i am so vulnerable to the way just one other person feels about me, its a major wake up call that i need to do things to build myself, or GAL as they say here.
Good point. I hear what you're saying, and I do love myself. I know I'm a good person who has brought a lot to this relationship. Feeling rejected and so easily discarded after 8,.5 years together and nearly 7 years of marriage is what's so difficult to get through. That said, I am doing my best to move forward, reconnecting with friends, reading self-help books, eating properly, etc.
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here is what i learned canguy: i can build myself in utterly the worst of circumstances as long as i know where i want to go and can break the steps down into small enough pieces. and believe me, i had to learn to break things down into tiny, ridiculously small steps on the hardest days. but it worked. at the end of those days i could still say i took those tiny steps. and they kept adding up. and yours will, too. and little by little, bit by bit, you regain your pride and self-respect. and then something really cool happens: you realize that all this pain has truly helped you transform yourself to a higher level. and you are going to get there.
I agree, pain can be a great motivator. Right now, there are days when angst fuels me to move forward. At this point, there are days when I really feel like throwing in the towel and turning the lights off. But I could not put my family and friends through that... and there are days that is the only reason I hold on. I have felt brief moments of "I'm going to be ok", and I'm trying to focus on those the best I can.
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if you are willing to, i will try to help you learn to do this. if so, please consider this question: if you woke up tomorrow, and a miracle had occurred, and everything in your life was exactly the way you wanted it to be, what would that look like?
Sure, I'd really like that, and thanks. If the miracle happened: - My wife and I would be together and in love, focused on our marriage and happy. - I would be more reliant on myself for my own happiness and fulfilment instead of being dependent on my marriage to fill those needs. - My relationship would include affection, intimacy and trust. - I would be slimmer and in better shape. - Financially, I would be better off and secure. - Health-wise I would not be living with cancer. - I would be more outgoing with friends (doing that now).
