2nd Thread - After almost 1 year, I keep going

[keep_going]

Hi,

Had another great, busy day. I like being a mom to my awesome kids!
I honestly don't feel like GAL is really an issue for me at this time. I feel better and stronger emotionally everyday and I am confident that this will continue.

I am also progressing with my anger management and re-connecting with the person I used to be way back when.

So overall, I think things are moving along the way they should with ME.

Yet, I do have a question that has been on my mind for a while and someone asked in another thread earlier today. It's regarding the diff. between detaching and letting go, vs. doing 180s and showing affection and giving attention to a spouse that felt abandoned and unappreciated.

In my sitch, H and I started re-connecting emotionally just a bit during the spring of last year. Then he committed fully to his R with OW and drifted away big time.

We have had our moments for sure, but for the most part, we don't argue that much anymore and we get along well - I feel like we have both made an effort and our communication is a lot better than when we were together.

So he is perfectly fine with the status quo in our R, except when it comes to OW... He wants me to accept her and give him my blessing. I feel we have both said our peace about it and I hope he drops it and respects the fact that I just don't want to hear about her and am not interested in having any kind of interaction with her.
If so, that should be the end of that sticky subject.

But if I try to move an inch closer in trying to create any kind of emotional connection with him - in either a verbal or physical way - he immediately retracts and rejects.

So clearly, he is NOWHERE near ready for anything more than what we have now. I get it, and that is ok with me.
He didn't get to feel this negatively about me in a few months, so I know this is a marathon, and I only have 1 year under my belt.

But I do have a dilemma: Given that he felt abandoned, unappreciated, abused and ignored for a long time, I ask:

What should be the balance between giving him space and continue treating him in a friendly but detached way vs. showing 180s by making him feel appreciated and acting according to his LLs which are mostly physical touch and words of affirmation?

WHAT IS THE RIGHT BALANCE? It seems like such a contradiction in terms...