Opening Up

[Walking]

I'm so much in my head around the sexual issue, which of course, is counterproductive.

You got it brother. Completely counterproductive.

You talk a lot about masculine and feminine energy – but I think it’s all academic for you – certainly in your writing and musings but you equate those energies to activities you enjoy or things you like- not ENERGY and the feelings and capacity that energy creates in our own bodies and hearts.

CL do you get horney? Do you feel attracted to women? Is being more sexual something you want for yourself? Or is it just about the marriage?

This may be confronting for you, but you could consider looking for some good quality couples porn. Watch it alone at first for tips and strategies (and maybe even to get more comfortable or interested in sex and sexuality for yourself) and you could share it with your wife when you become comfortable with the act of sex. If it’s respectful and intimate – and there’s plenty of that stuff around - it may (probably will) help arouse her as a part of foreplay too.

I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to give your wife sexual pleasure and for her to know that you desire her for her to admire and remain committed to you and it might be helpful for you to do some pretty explicit research on that. I notice someone mentioned Passionate Marriage as a good start. It is a good book, but it’s pretty heavy going – there’s lots of other couples literature, videos and information around – and with respect, it sounds like you could brush up on your sexual education.

I'm so much in my head around the sexual issue, which of course, is counterproductive.

I need to once again look in the mirror, and make some changes, and stop blaming my wife.

I would also make the point, that to remain in a marriage, without respecting and investing in your obligations to all aspects of it, including your wife’s innate human right to intimacy within that covenant, seems selfish and very, very cold.