If I am truly just beginning this process, then I am in bad shape.
I did send her a text on Saturday as we had that bday party and just said "hope you're having a nice weekend- the bday party is at bar at 9pm tonight...everyone would love to see you if you can make it", she responded "Hi there. I don't feel comfortable going, but thanks for the invite. Have a great time!". I responded with "I understand, thanks".
I spoke with W today as I asked if I could give her a quick call and she said she is planning on filing early this week. She has just been making up excuses not to see me, so I don't know if she'll go to lunch with me. She did say she needs to drop a couple things off, so "she'll contact me after she checks her schedule."
I did mention that I have realized a lot of things I didn't before and she said "I'm glad you've made changes and finally realized how women should be treated...I'm sure it will help you in your next relationship", but I suppose I over-stepped my bounds when I said, "I truly do think it will help me, but I wish that we could have at least tried something before we gave up", she then followed with "don't you have any pride and why are you begging?", when I clearly was not begging, but perhaps she was waiting for me to say something even close to that and jumped all over it.
She did make reference to my sister and brother-in-law who have had marital issues last year, and who worked through it. She said "it's not like I can be like 'sister' and 'BIL' and move out for a few months and move back and and everything is la-dee-da". I responded with, "I understand and I think that the space has been good for us as it's given us time to think about what we really want". She has repeatedly said that she doesn't want to be like Sister and BIL, as admittedly they are together basically for their kids only and it's very evident and has really been a negative factor when we've been around them.
I suppose I am a little impatient because I haven't seen her in 2 1/2 months. Her parents are also I think coaching her to not see me as it will be more emotionally difficult for her (or so she tells me). What is weird is that she doesn't take any responsibility...it's always "my parents don't think it's a good idea" or "the L is going to file the petition"...she is just avoiding taking any responsibility for this, which I suppose is her way of dealing with this.
So I guess my question is how can I turn her dropping a couple things off into asking her to grab a cup of coffee or something? I don't think it's too much to ask, but don't want to come off as pursuing as I think I did pursue very early on, then backed off and was punitive about it.
She is cordial now, but definitely not hitting the brakes on anything...I guess I'll just sit back and wait to see if she contacts me to drop the couple things off.
I feel like time is running out, but I don't want to revert to my impatient ways that have really hurt me in the past.
Any ideas would be helpful on how to interact balancing not pursuing with trying to break through this fog would be helpful. The worst part is that she knows I know there is an OM, and I think that is part of the reason she doesn't want to see me (because she fears I may bring it up, is my guess and I suppose it's just easier to avoid the situation altogether).
