Yes this thread is doing this for me too!I knew he was Passive Aggressive, but also MLC and then the narcisissm that comes with MLC. We are so lucky to have eachother on this board!
4myfamily, Im not exactly sure what you meant by his dependency need followed by denying his dependency? Do you mean that he depends on me for certain things, but also is in denial of it? I sure have felt that way. I feel like pulled taffy. Push, pull, push pull. I love you, stay away, I miss you, back off, I can't live without us being friends, let me treat you like crap. Sheesh in the same email where I called him on cake eating he said " It sounds like you don't want to be my friend. If that's the case then so be it". Gee, he never asked me if I wanted him to be MY FRIEND.
One thing that just blew me away is when he left he had been despondent, silent, non talkative, irritable, weepy, and nasty. His main PA tactic...silent treatment, stone walling, ignoring, brushing off. I could not start a conversation with him to save my life. He decided to leave on his own accord. AFter he leaves he layers this huge talkative action in between spewing at me. When he would talk with me, we were connecting in ways he hadn't in years. I actually thought getting out on his own was helping us become closer together!
I still can't get over some of the stuff he did, and just how self serving it was.
Antonia, I was accused of trying to make stbx crazy as well. I did the same thing you did with your xh. I said " look something really is going on here and Im really worried about you. I've never seen you like this before. I think you should see a doctor. Im concerned this is PTSD not dealt with". He agreed that maybe his anger outbursts were PTSD related and he'd think about it. A few weeks later....spew. Even told his family all about how I made him feel he was crazy and convinced him there was something wrong with him. His words "Maybe you have PTSD and need a shrink".. My words " after dealing with this I think you're right".
How to deal with PA? From what I understood from the book I read, is to have clear and firm boundaries. Clear and firm boundaries always result in him being offended, insulted, and therefore he feels disrespected, yet goes right along with things anyway. Or standing my ground now results in tantrums.
Do you know how babies are when they first discover their voice?
I think stbx has finally discovered his voice. REgardless of the games and PA behavior I do know for a fact that he let alot of people take advantage of him, and he wouldn't stand up for himself when he really should've. This includes our marriage. Im just now finding out about all these things that bothered him. He's now finding his voice with me. I would encourage him to do so because I would see things like his boss take advantage of him and it would make me frustrated. Yet he would just sit back and take it, or use mega manipulation skills to get what he wanted. That's how it always worked.
What made him find his voice? Being the victum of a violent crime. Now he's spewing at everyone for everything they ever did to him. He's blowing.
He's being very nice to me lately. I don't trust it, wish so much that I could. Our divorce should be final soon. Wonder if that has anything to do with it.
