Thanks for the replies guys. At this point I'm not sure what she's choosing and I'm not sure she knows either. We just had an interesting counseling session today. She began by acknowledging my changes (which was great), but telling me she wished that they had taken place back when it mattered. She recognized her own part in that though by also acknowledging that, like her own mother, she sat silent on her needs and didn't let me know that she'd been having doubts and emotional issues for years until it all broke out this fall. But, when I asked her if she wanted to reconnect, she said she did, but that she had to be clear that there was no guarantee that she could, that it might be too late for her heart.
The therapist asked if there was anything that I wanted to say but was afraid to say and I brought up the "friend." I said that I appreciated her acknowledging hurting me with this friendship and her saying she was sorry, but that the hurt was continuing because I assumed their friendship continued and she remained in contact with him. She said she had seen him one time since the 1st of the year at yoga and had just had a text from him last week about some banal thing. She maintains he's just a friend, to which I said he may be a friend of yours, but he's no friend of this marriage. I said if I had one wish it would be that she would call him and tell him not to text/call her again, and that their "friendship" was over. She did not give a response to that and the therapist, perhaps sensing a coming argument, said OK W, thank H for telling you that, which she did, and we left it at that.
Now I am faced with a bit of a divorce busting dilemma: Do I a) take the tough love approach and say that I am not doing anything more until you end this relationship period once and for all, or b) continue on as I have been, hope that it continues to fizzle and die of its own accord. As much as I want to take the tough approach, I am concerned that we don't have enough positive momentum in place yet for that, and that with my W's personality, it will backfire big-time as she is firey. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated?
Trying to be optimistic about this as it all sounds like its straight out of Michele's books, to a T. Things do seems like they're loosening up just a little bit though. She stopped by last night to drop off something for my son and ended up staying for about 30 minutes and talking. To my total surprise, she told me she's going to be staying away from one of her female friends i consider to be totally toxic to our marriage. This bimbo is 28 (we're 43), unmarried with a kid, and comes from a total wreck of a family and regularly sleeps with other married men. My W said "I just don't need to be around other confused people like that right now, and I certainly don't need her advice (I can only imagine what that advice is)." I could have said Amen to that!
Also today in the session she agreed to begin to do some small things together, light fun things, to just spend some time with each other and see if that helps us reconnect a bit.
Just trying to remain positive stay calm. Thanks for the help.
