First off - thanks to everyone for the postive thoughts. The majority of you seem to be more optimistic than I am right now - and, honestly, I appreciate that. Maybe you see and feel things I don't because I am waaaaaay too close to the situation to make a fair, objective call. I hope you are all right and that I am on the "road to recovery". I am looking for signs like more frequent contact from W, but not quote seeing them yet. I remember in DR there was a blurb about not noticing the little signs because you are in search of the big ones (or something along those lines). Maybe that is what I am doing.
As for the MC on Wednesday, I think all of things that have been suggested I was able to do during the last one.....maybe with the exception of eye contact. Probably spent more time looking at the MC and talking than I did looking at my W. When my W spoke, I looked at her - but when I spoke my glance was mostly on the MC and would drift to her from time to time. I made certain that I STFU and did not interrupt of get defensive. I also paid very close attention to my body language and my voice -those have always been things she pointed out to me that came across poorly. To be honest, I didn't get mad or upset in the last session at all.
You know, it kind of feels like W is the girl I have a massive crush on and am afraid to talk to or approach. Remember that feeling?? Butterflys in stomach....tripping over tongue....wanting to say the "right" things. It's like I'm 17 again or something and hoping the girl I like "likes" me, too. Always wanting to look your best around her, appear "cool" when really you are freaking out inside. If I knew this would work out in the end, I think I would like this feeling. Sadly, right now it makes me more anxious than anything else.
