Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

I really fell off the wagon this weekend. I felt so insecure yesterday. I felt like this process was going to take forever.

W and I have been planning on signing this stipulation that I'll stay out of house for 3 months and she'll hold off on the divorce during that time. Our arrangement has been that I come over on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays to be with the kids. Last week, she specifically added wording to the still-unsigned agreement (has been taking weeks going back and forth between our lawyers and it's only a one-page document) - She added wording that said that could only come after work when I have the kids, not before.

I like having some time to be in the house by myself to handle household stuff, or just to breath in a warm, familiar place. She also added wording that I have to leave by 9 on those nights.

I took it as an attack and argued against it. So, Saturday morning, she said "Fine, whatever." and agreed to the changes. We had a separate exchange where I told her I had gotten a referral for an IC for her. She's been depressed and she confessed it to D15. She lashed out at me and accused me of conspiring with my lawyer to prove that W is the crazy one so I can take the kids away from her.

That got me to thinking about how she must be conspiring with her lawyer and how the new wording must be part of that. What is her angle? What am I losing?


I have a hard time giving her the "space" she needs. There is a part of my mind that can't let of of the idea that what she is asking for is wrong and makes her a terrible person. We're married! We have a responsibility to the kids to work things out. I'm sorry for my mistakes, but I don't believe I've earned this. Why should I have to go days at a time between seeing my kids? I've never been a part time father.

I feel like a fool for letting her walk all over me and kick me out of my house because she is not happy.

I just lost my patience. I talked too much. I emailed her at 2:30 in the morning. I texted her today.

Well, I have books coming in the mail. Maybe next time I can read a book instead.