So Cat, I agree that the only important work would be on working on the M! My H talked to me a bit this morning. I was actually still in bed, but he was derermined to talk.
He told me OW is done with him. He is confused as to why he can't bring himself to leave me. He said if I wanted to divorce him I should do it now, because he would sign for anything I asked for. I am not going to do that. I told him so.
I asked him to clarify was that so he could try to get OW back. His answer was that she was done with him and had said she would never believe another thing he said. He thinks he is doomed to a loveless life.
He actually said he doesn't feel attracted to anyone right now. I really still love him. The things he says hurt me. But yet I see progress. The other day he finally told me the truth about 12 years ago, when he wanted to leave me before.
It was an other woman. (Gasps of suprise all around......) And yes, she was the one who he got back in touch with recently. This falls in with him needing someone waiting in the wings. He also said he still has some resentment towards me because he stayed with me just for the kids. I told him this morning I wasn't going to spend another 12 years with him being resentful to me for decisions he is making.
I told him plainly this morning that for us to stay together we need to do something. And he could think about all that I had said today while he was at work. I didn't tell him the stress was making my chest hurt. But it was. I keep praying for the right thing to happen. I put aside my anger and I really do turn it over to God.
AntoniaB said: The spouse who says he wants to remain friends with the LBS once he's in a rela. with an OP is the spouse who is essentially wanting to have a person in the wings as a backup plan. He hasn't really thought out what it means to ask the LBS to remain friends, the sacrifice to that person to be in this position. It's really arrogant--it's almost like saying, I want you and OW both, and you, LBS, should be happy to AT LEAST have me as a friend.
I think my H still wants both of us. I think she hasn't played her last card. Thankfully she is past menopause. So let us hope there isn't a pregnancy scare in the future. My H told me he thinks she lies a lot. I guess slowly he is starting to see her.
I am feeling strong and weak at the same time. UCK!
I just got a no-notice hospitality check, my son and granddaughters are here. The girls are tormenting the dogs, guess I'd better supervise so no one gets their nose bitten!
Aloha Friends!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
