My W had stopped hanging out with anyone who would support the M - in fact she kind of stopped before the bomb, I didn't really notice at the time that she was going to fewer events with friends who would support us and encourage us to work through issues.
She now hangs out with work colleagues only who I only have a passing acquaintence with. These work colleagues would have known about my W's A as they were all going out after work and he works there aswell.
She is choosing to hang out with people who support her decision, not those who would ask her the tough questions.
Her family support her - but I know my W has only shared certain info with them, and they certainly don't know about the debt, or the OM. It's not my place to tell them.
It sometimes feels like I am the only person who interacts regularly with her that is pro-marraige, though over recent months I've not tried to persuade her differently.
It's no wonder she's on the course she is on - everyone is telling her what a great idea it is....
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
What did you find out about supported living in your area ???
There will be no supported living - we are receiving the maximum assistance we are allowed, I've asked the co-ordinator to step up the efforts to find someone to fill the hours that are not being used right now.
Quote:
The part I'm focused on here is the fact she left that card out on the nightstand by the bed you share.
It wasn't on the nightstand - it was on the sideboard in the family room. I came home from work early - I'm not sure if my W planned on taking it down. I agree it's disrespectful - I'm not sure I was ever intended to see it. The card wasn't there this morning.
W has told me she is working all day tomorrow - good I get more time with the girls....
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
There will be no supported living - we are receiving the maximum assistance we are allowed, I've asked the co-ordinator to step up the efforts to find someone to fill the hours that are not being used right now.
Okay, so at maximum assistance..
How many hours will you be splitting ???
And how are YOU planning on using your hours ???
Like I said Pete...
You better have a plan in place BEFORE you walk into an ambush.
Your plan can change later if need be, but your initial plan, that you will propose to the courts, on how YOU plan to be able to cover a 50/50 custody.
Don't underestimate the power of "This is what has always been, so don't rock the boat" that the courts have.
You have to take charge and work toward these results. Don't let fear rule you right now.
Well my L sent a letter to her L on Friday with the counter-offer. We'll see how that pans out. Realtor actually valued the house at higher than I expected.
One thing that confuses me is that my W has not filed - why is her L sending settlement requests and she hasn't even bothered to file - not my problem, but would have thought filing would have been the first step.
Had a good weekend with the girls - W was working all weekend so minimal interaction with her - and it was all cordial and distant.
Went to the mall with the girls on Sat and then to an ice sculpting show yesterday. My D7 has started ice skating this year so I recorded all the shows that were on TV and spent a couple of hours watching them yesterday. She was amazed at what the skaters can do.
I also drove by a couple of apartment complexes that I've looked at online - I feel a lot better about being able to afford something nice for the girls and I to stay in post D.
All in all - feeling pretty good right now, my W is becoming less and less part of the equation - do I want to remain married - why yes, but not to who she currently is, so maybe D will be good for both of us.
Peace everyone.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
Hi everyone - seems like forever since I last posted (it was only Monday).
My W received my L's counter-proposal and is ok with most of the major points.
I get the girls 50/50 - I'll have them 3 weekends out of 4 (Thurs night - Mon AM) and make up days the other week to make it 50/50. Works out very well as my W can work weekends and I get to see my girls as much as I can.
She's come down a little with her alimony demands, but to a level I can live with. I've done the math - and I can make it month to month on my salary with a few small luxuries thrown in.
I did joke with W that I wanted a clause in the decree that we ML twice a week post-D, got a laugh out of her...
She hasn't filed - but it's going to happen any time now, I slipped a little and asked "So there's no chance of calling this off and starting again" answer was "No" - I think that's pretty emphatic.
Realtor has valued the house at a level where if it sells I'll be able to pay off my car and lessen my monthly outgoings and have a little more cash left over. House is going on the market next week.
I've found an apartment complex that i like very much and 2 bedroom apartments come up for rent pretty frequently, so with any luck when the house sells I'll have a nice place to move into.
Spoke to the co-ordinator for my D10 - I will be able to transition assistance over to me for my time, I already have one person we currently use and she'll start the process for me to interview other people.
Re: GAL - Had a good week, played soccer Weds and then went for drinks with work colleagues on Thurs. Tomorrow I pick the girls up from grandparents and I'm taking them to a puppet show. Sunday is Superbowl party at a friend's bar in the city - it's going to be crazy.
Been busy planning my west-coast vacation in early March, be good to catch up with an old friend and then spend a few days with my sister.
Oh - I quit smoking on groundhog day - figured it was as good a day as any, I get cravings but so far it's not too bad.
W and I have been pretty cordial but distant - what choice is there, we like each other... She just doesn't love me...
I'm in a good place and I can picture a good life for me and the girls post D - I hope D7 handles it well emotionally and that life won't be too disruptive for D10.
Not sure how long it will take - but I'm not going to be a barrier to the process. I know I am more fortunate than many other people.
Peace everyone.
M47 W45 D10 (Has CP) D7 M12 T14 ILYBINILWY 5/1/11 Asked for seperation 5/10/11 Seriously DBing 7/1/11 W admitted to 2 EA's on 11/3/11. Evidence of PA 11/5/11 - Definite evidence of PA 11/20/11 D - Final 7/11/12
Realtor has valued the house at a level where if it sells I'll be able to pay off my car and lessen my monthly outgoings and have a little more cash left over. House is going on the market next week.
Presentation is HUGE when you're selling a house. DECLUTTER, put away personal photos, arrange lighting, makes sure everything smells good all the time, fix as many of the little things as you can, keep everything scrupulously clean. Hire a cleaning lady if you need to - it'll pay off. We sold my mom's house last summer, at the absolute slowest time of the market - but it sold immediately, and for a price that turned out to be higher than the appraisal (we had to lower our price when the appraisal came in!). It sold so quickly because we staged it really well, decluttered ruthlessly, made it look its best. You won't regret doing the work, it will pay off handsomely.
And - congratulations on letting go. Your marriage may or may not be reconciled - but you've done your best, and by recognizing now that its out of your hands - that's the best thing you can do. Create a positive life for yourself and your kids, and see what the future brings.
Peter, you sound good. I'm sorry it's come to D but it ain't over yet, as they say. But despite all that, you do sound good. And you're moving forward. I think you're going to be okay.
And just because you D as ^^^^ said, its only over when you say its over. I'm sure their will come a time for a lot of us on here to ask ourselves, do we really want to be w/ someone that doesn't want to be with us? I know I don't but I'm not ready to give up quite yet.
