[quote=ces67]Hey Rick, I've been catching up on more details of your thread and just wanted to let you know you're in my prayers. There seem to be some common threads between our sitch's. I wouldn't claim to have the intensity of issues that you have with W but can see similar experiences regarding my W and an abusive past and the lost of parents at a young age.
Hope you have a good week. I may have missed this but are you getting any professional support for you in dealing with all that's going on? You must have some very broad emotional shoulders to be handling all this. Looks like the GAL can be a struggle with W's attitude but hope you're finding ways to do this. [/quote]
Thank you so much for your kind reply. It helps.
I am not getting professional help right now but I was seeing a counselor when this all began, back when I thought this was an issue of a M gone bad. Also, I did about seven sessions with a BD coach. And we had done MC together for a while but it became apparent that this was really more of a breakdown my W was having that needed specific focus on that.
What really helped was this blog because I was able to talk to a number of people who have helped me as I/we worked through the stages of this and an awareness of the real (problems) were coming to light.
I am doing the best I can to hold it all together for everyone - my W's sitch; it's affects on me, kids and everyone close to us; our M on hold so to speak; my parents medical issues; my MIL's recent changeup and its affects on everyone; raising my boys; running the company; handling the home finances by myself and keeping the homefront going, Kelli and I keeping the novel moving forward and me helping her with her DB'ing in the meantime (best friend from childhood so want to help her too), my own life and emotions, etc.
I was talking to my wife about this sitch this morning. She knows that the timing of this is so difficult on everyone and she feels massively guilty about it. I keep reinforcing for her that this is the best thing that could have happened because its allowing her to break free of a lifetime of fear an defensive/protective habits. I think 2TP hit the nail on the head when he suggested I might be there, but in the shadows, with a lifeline there for her to grab as needed. I need to do this without her being always aware that I'm doing it, kind of just quietly there.
I'm hoping this will work for her/us/family. I really don't know how this will play out. I find it hard to imagine her getting through all this, figuring out how she fits into the world and M, then opening back up to me as a H. I can grasp it intellectually as possible but because this crisis has been so long maybe its just hard for me to envision that can actually happen. I hear other stories of marriages succeeding through this kind of thing so maybe for me too.
It's weird but although I want this to work, I have had to rely on myself so much that I'm finding myself preparing for a very different life than I imagined I would lead from here on. I'm thinking in terms of how I want to live if I'm going to be a single dad, how I will redefine my existance without her, what I want to do, where I want to live, etc.
I feel like for reasons only the universe knows I have been drawn into this massive spiritual battle. I will face it with honor for me, for her, for everyone else, and not back down; but I have this sense that I'm going to do this and then be on my own once its over. I heard stories about full reconciliations, I know my W loves me, I know this is really about her and not us and our M is caught up in it, but I'm afraid I've lost the feel or the memory of us being unconstrained together. Our time together is still good and that helps keeping us connected, but I find it hard to see the romance part back. Maybe this is just a natural thing to feel. I continue to act "as if" in the meantime, but I hate the acting part.
