WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... been a good weekend overall I guess. 2TP, I think I'm doing good in the detaching angle. I know I post stuff here, but it's pretty small in the great river of stuff I just don't worry about anymore.

One of those actually caused a little conflict on Friday... not that conflict is bad, but it was instructive. My S had his first wrestling tournament Friday night, and I was taking him. My W had a girls night out party to go to and had to sign the lease on the rental house, so I never even assumed she'd come to the tournament. I suppose, in hindsight, it was a bit judgmental to assume a child's mother wouldn't make it to her son's first-ever wrestling tournament... but I didn't mean it to be. I just know that I can control me and so I knew I would be there and only promised my S that I would be there. I also reached out to my mom, my niece, and my FIL to be there so he had a good cheering section (my FIL is a youth wrestling addict). I figured if my W wanted to be there she would be, or not, but up to her.

Well, Friday after lunch I get a text from my W telling me she's running late, tired, and has a headache. She needs a nap and if she doesn't take one she'll never be in shape for the girls' party. She says that she wants to make the tournament but won't be able to because there just won't be time between getting home, signing the lease, taking a nap, etc... I texted her back a thanks for letting me know and that S hadn't planned on her being there because I hadn't told him she would be. That apparently pissed her off... the part where I didn't tell him she'd be there.

Then again... she wasn't there... so glad I went that route. But I went that route not because I doubted my W, but because I didn't really think about whether she'd be there or not. There was also a great object lesson in the wrestling match for me. No bones about it my S got crushed at the match. He ended up wrestling a kid bigger than him (where they found a kindergartner bigger than 72 pounds is a wonder to me) who is going through kindergarten a second time. His opponent has been wrestling for two years, my son for three practices. So yes... my S got absolutely dominated. But you know what? He never quit. He got up every time and went right back after that kid. No hesitation, no fear. He even got hurt once, but still got up and went right back at it. Gave me something to think about.

Overall the rest of the weekend was good. SS came to our squadron meeting and decided to join our youth group. He's super excited... we spent a few hours together Saturday afternoon as I taught him how to shine combat boots I'm very happy he's joining.

Took the kids to a pottery store where they each painted a pottery piece, with my help, for their rooms in the rental house. I wanted them to have something for their rooms and something to remember me by when they're there.

Today was church with my S. When we got home my MIL was visiting. W took her over to see the rental house. After they got back W took a nap while MIL visited the kids. Then MIL went to leave and gave me a huge hug. She told me "I'm so sorry for your troubles... I just wish I knew what [W] was doing." This mirrors the convo my FIL had with me, asking me what my W was thinking and why she was doing what she is doing. But at least my FIL didn't end up crying on my shoulder like my MIL did.

To close off this post... three notable items. First, last night W came and asked me if we could talk. I almost told her no, but something in her demeanor made me change my mind. She starts telling me this story from work about being hit on by a patient/employee and how it made her feel. How she's afraid of retaliation from shutting him down. Early in the convo I was doing what I always do... making jokes to ease the tension, but then realized I wasn't validating or listening (you can't listen and come up with one-liners). So I forced myself to be present. At one point I told her "That sounds really horrible" after she talked about her second encounter with him. She looked at me with these eyes of incredible relief... she says "oh my god it was!", sits down next to me, and just unloads about how she felt and still feels.

I know... I'm not her listening board anymore. But to be honest it felt almost like... an audition? a test? a tryout? I don't know... but the reaction I got when I showed I was listening and did care was something I haven't seem from my W in a very long time.

Second item... W got up from her nap today and came in the kitchen. I was looking grumpy and unhappy, she asked what was wrong. I simply told her I had a terrible headache (which was true) and felt like hell. It was one of those headaches complete with auras and flashes. She disappears and a minute later shows up with one of her anti-migrane pills and some other pain meds. She tells me to take them. To fully get this you have to realize that she treats her migrane meds like golden dubloons.

Last thing was less uplifting... S was drawing a picture tonight. He showed it to me and it had a character with a sad face. I asked him to tell me about the picture... he tells me he's the person with the sad face and then points at the car in the drawing. He's sad because mommy is driving away in her car from our house. So that broke my heart into little pieces. I gave him a big hug and said that we will all be ok and make this work together.

So in closing things are what they are. W is packing... that's hard to watch. She's also stressing out as time ticks by... that's her problem. Just trying to enjoy the days with my kids and we'll deal with the next phase when we get to it.